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Stan was no fool; he saw the same problems Justin did with staying up north, where food was becoming scarce, and he was correct that a larger group would be a less attractive target for thieves. Still, if the decision had been Justin’s alone, he would have refused them.
He repeated to himself that it was for Carly and his baby. She and Dagny would be safer, especially if he didn’t have to leave them alone while he scouted for danger and searched for food. He told himself this was what Carly wanted, and it was probably an excellent way of easing himself back into human society, like dipping one foot into a pool before plunging in. He couldn’t deprive Carly of what she wanted simply because he was socially maladapted.
And, though he chastised himself for it, he was jealous. A small, selfish part of him wanted to keep Carly and Dagny all to himself. He knew it was childish and ridiculous, but every time Carly laughed at something Mindy said, or chattered with Stan, his jaw clenched, and he could feel a muscle twitch in his cheek. And as angry as he was at himself for being so irrational, he couldn’t stop the way he felt. He could, however, control how he would react to it, and he was determined none of them would ever know.
He recognized there was some level of emotional immaturity involved. It was, after all, the first time Justin had ever been in love, so he’d never learned to cope with feelings like those. Analyzing it didn’t help him to overcome it, though. Maybe in time he’d be able to let go, just as he’d be able to let go of the equally irrational fear Carly would leave him once she had other options.
To distract himself from troubling thoughts, Justin asked, “What about you and Mindy? How did you meet?”
“High school sweethearts,” Stan said. Justin pushed a branch out of the way for him and he ducked under it. “Honestly, I don’t remember a time before I knew Mindy. We were in the same kindergarten class. The only time of our lives we were ever separated is when we went off to college. Everyone assumed we’d break up because long-distance relationships are so difficult, and, well, we’d both find temptations in our path. But we stuck to it, even though we were only able to see each other on the weekends for a while. We got married right after we graduated.”
Justin wondered what that sort of stability must be like. Except for his last few years of school when his foster homes had all been in the same school district, he had never stayed in the same area long enough to develop many long-term friendships or relationships. He had told himself he didn’t need them, he was a loner—an island—without the sort of social dependency that others seemed to have. Finally he understood it had been a shield he drew around himself. By insisting he didn’t need anyone, he protected himself from the pain of loss.
“You’re fortunate,” Justin told Stan.
Stan grinned. “Yeah, I am. Mindy’s great. She’s wicked smart and has a great sense of humor. You guys haven’t really seen much of that yet because... well, Mindy doesn’t really cope well with change. Her mom died when she was very young. Since then, she sort of shuts down and closes herself off when she’s outside of her comfort zone. This whole thing with the Crisis and now having to leave our home, it’s been real hard on her. I mean, yeah, it’s been hard on everyone, but Mindy is falling back into that avoidance thing she does.”
Justin understood. Maybe better than Stan realized. “Is there anything we can do to help?”
Stan stumbled and had to catch a nearby tree to keep from falling down again. Justin’s lips twitched.
Stan looked distinctly uncomfortable for a moment, and Justin wondered if he was regretting being so open. His suspicion was confirmed when Stan hastily amended his previous statement.
“Oh no, you don’t need to do anything. She’ll be fine. Really. It’s just... uh... a matter of adjusting, you know? Carly has been great with her. She keeps Mindy talking, keeps her engaged in the situation. Everything will be okay, really.”
Justin nodded. Stan cast a quick glance at him.
“Listen, Justin, I want to say thank you.”
“For what?”
“For bringing us along. I know you didn’t really want to.”
Justin didn’t reply. He kept his eyes on the trees ahead.
“Mindy and I might not have made it on our own,” Stan said, and his voice was so low Justin had to strain to hear it. “I knew you and Carly were our best chance. Maybe Carly is right about things happening for a reason.”
Stan stepped on a branch that snapped as loud as a gunshot through the quiet woods. He grimaced in apology. Justin shrugged to show it wasn’t a problem, and they walked on in silence for a few moments before Stan broke it with a statement Justin didn’t expect.
“I envy you, you know.”
“Envy me?” Justin was startled enough to come to a halt. He stared at Stan and gave a small shake of his head.
Stan stopped, too. His face went pink, but he met Justin’s eyes squarely. “You’re fortunate. You know you can protect your wife and daughter. You know you’ll be able to provide for them. I don’t have that comfort. You have skills. All I have is desperation.”
Justin started walking again. He thought about what it must be like for Stan, and it was disquieting. He remembered watching Carly during Dagny’s birth, knowing there was nothing he could do if things went badly. Stan had to live with something like that all the time. It was difficult to force out a response. “You’ll learn. You’ve got guts and a good head on your shoulders. That’s all you need.”
Stan tripped again and tumbled into a bush. Justin couldn’t hold back the grin. “Though it might not be a bad idea to learn to walk more quietly.”
Two days later, their small group stopped the wagon in the middle of the road and stared at the fifteen-foot-high fence that blocked the end of the bridge. They each took turns looking through Justin’s binoculars.
“What in the world?” Mindy muttered and handed the binoculars to Stan so he could take another look.
“Stacked shipping containers with a garage door between them. It’s not temporary, whatever it is.”
“Can we go around?” Stan asked.
Justin shook his head as he consulted the map again. “There’s swamp on either side; protected wetlands with no roads. We’ll have to backtrack.”
