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Yes, I’d liked her. Yes, I’d felt a connection. And yes, I’d felt…more like myself that night than I had in a long time. Just me without the pressures of all my various roles. I’d allowed myself to enjoy everything about Mud Gulch, but it was never meant to last beyond pleasant, temporary memories. We’d both known that. I’d walked away that morning feeling invigorated and hopeful. Ready to embrace my future with open arms. And yet…those eyes kept popping into my brain every time I tried to focus on something else. Why?
I’d engaged in brief trysts before and had never regretted them. But I’d also quickly moved those memories aside and returned to my normal life.
This wasn’t like me. All my life, I’d been cool, calm, and collected. If something was expected of me, I did what was necessary with single-minded, composed focus. I’d never waffled or become sidetracked. And because I had been given the tools—by nature and by the luck of who my parents were—I had come to expect success in all areas.
But now? I was feeling antsy and preoccupied. Instead of getting better, that random pinching that sometimes made it difficult to breathe that I’d chalked up to nerves, had gotten worse since I’d left Mud Gulch. Stronger, more insistent somehow.
The ring of laughter from my left interrupted my thoughts and I turned to see my sister, Lexi, stumbling through the gate with her best friend, Blakely, just behind her. “Well look who it is!” Lexi grinned as she teetered my way. “My favorite brother.” She leaned down and gave me a quick hug, her perfume, some subtle mix of white peach and vanilla, mixed with the hints of wine still on her breath, wafting over me, and then sat down on the lounger, laying back with a sigh.
“Looks like you two had fun.” I smiled as Blakely shot me a grin and a wave and then sat on the edge of the lounger on my other side. “Hey, Blakely. Good to see you.”
“Good to see you too. What are you doing here?” she asked, leaning forward and patting my thigh before gathering her hair up as she began twisting it into some sort of knot at the top of her head.
Blakely had been Lexi’s best friend since they were in grade school and I’d covered for them in a multitude of ways too many times to count. We’d also done our fair share of partying together when we were in our teens and early twenties, though that had phased out when Lexi moved to New York City to follow her dream of being a singer, and Blakely had gotten engaged to a guy we’d grown up with who now worked with his father at their family-owned insurance company. I lowered the arm that had been behind my head and replaced it with the other. “Just relaxing,” I said.
Lexi made a small snorting sound. “That’ll be the day. Since when do you relax, Go-Getter?” She yawned, her shoulders rising and falling. “If you were free, you should have come with us tonight.”
“I just got off work an hour ago. Late night. I was here delivering some files to Dad that he needs in the morning. How was the party?”
“Ugh. Boring as hell,” Lexi said. “I’m forever ruined by New York City nightlife. Nothing compares.”
Blakely laughed. “It wasn’t that bad.”
Lexi made an unimpressed sound in the back of her throat. “The music was total crap. I drank too much wine to make the experience bearable and now I’m practically passing out,” she said, pulling herself up. “I’ve gotta get to bed.”
Blakely stood and they hugged. “See you tomorrow.” Lexi nodded and blew her a kiss over her shoulder as she turned toward the house. “Goodnight,” she sang as she walked away unsteadily. Blakely sank down on the lounger again as the patio door opened and then closed behind us.
“She’s in Manhattan a few years and suddenly we’re small-town hicks,” Blakely said.
I laughed and turned my head toward Blakely. “How are you?” I asked. “Set a wedding date yet?”
There was a short pause. “I broke it off.”
“Ah, shit. I’m sorry, Blakley.” I didn’t see her very often anymore since Lexi had moved, but when I did, she always seemed happy and Lexi hadn’t mentioned anything about the breakup. “Are you okay?”
She sighed. “Yeah. I’m fine. It actually happened a few months ago.” She played with a tendril of hair that had fallen from the twist she’d somehow secured at the top of her head. “We’d been engaged for six years, Gage. Six years! At first, it made sense because we were young and he was so invested in getting his career started. He was putting in crazy hours at the company and I thought it would be hard to focus on a challenging job and a new marriage too, you know?” She paused. “But then, it just seemed like the intensity of his job never lessened, not because he didn’t settle into it, but because he liked it that way. It fed something in him. And I was getting older and he was still asking me to wait another year. Always another year. Finally, I had to face that he just wasn’t interested in marrying me, not really, and I’d already wasted enough years sitting on his back burner.”
I let out a long breath. “It sounds like you were on different pages and it was time to put yourself first.” I was glad she had. If I knew anything about men, it was that if they were really in love with a woman, they’d move heaven and earth to keep her.
Blakely nodded but didn’t turn toward me. I studied her profile in the dim glow of the outdoor lights. She was so familiar to me even though I hadn’t seen her regularly for many years. She was like family, I supposed. I’d known her in every stage of life. I’d watched her grow from a kid to an awkward pre-teen into a beautiful woman.
She stood suddenly and reached her hand out. “Walk with me?”
I grasped it and stood too. I didn’t exactly feel like taking a walk, but I didn’t exactly feel like reclining either. That restlessness stirred. Maybe movement would help.
We went out the pool gate and walked across the flawless green grass for a few minutes, strolling slowly as the lights from the house grew dimmer and the moon picked up where they left off. When the gazebo came into sight, Blakely laughed softly. “Remember when we got married here?”
I chuckled. “I was ten and you were eight. You held my favorite action figure hostage until I agreed to play wedding with you.”
“I’m always trying to get men to marry me against their will, apparently.” She shot me a wry smile, but I saw the pain flash in her eyes.
My heart gave a knock. I bumped her shoulder with mine. “I knew where you’d hidden Iron Man. I could have retrieved him anytime and thwarted your evil plot.”
She gave a surprised laugh as we stepped up into the gazebo and she took a seat on the bench. I leaned against the open doorframe and moved a tendril of honeysuckle vine out of the way. Its sweet scent filled the air, bringing with it a cascade of memories. I’d played here and later posed for prom pictures with dates I could hardly remember now. I’d kissed a few girls on this bench and gotten to second base with another. “Why didn’t you then?” Blakely asked. “Rescue Iron Man and thwart my evil plan?”
I blinked, moving my mind away from the memory of that first thrill of soft breast under my palm back to Blakely and Lexi’s constant requests for me to participate in their make-believe scenarios. “Because I liked being the hero,” I said with a smile.
A smile played at Blakely’s mouth as she looked at me from under her lashes. I stilled, feeling suddenly confused. Were we…flirting? Where had this come from? Of course I cared for Blakely. And she was sweet and pretty. But…I’d always considered her another little sister.
