AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Deandra has gone, released early after an appeal in which the police were found to have mishandled evidence. Before she left, she pouted at me. ‘But now I’ll never find out who your visitor is,’ she said.
I shrugged. ‘If they ever come.’
She walked over and squeezed my hand. ‘They’ll come.’
I wanted to suggest we stay in contact, that she be my first visitor, but I couldn’t be the one to suggest she maintain any ties to this place. Luxury, five-star, alternative rehabilitation retreat aside, it’s still a prison.
‘Don’t worry,’ she said. ‘I’ll never forget what you’ve taught me.’
I smiled and nodded. ‘You’ll pass with flying colours,’ I said.
She laughed. ‘I mean about revenge?’ Her eyes sparkled.
I laughed too. Whoever came up with the idea of putting all of society’s most damaged and depraved on the naughty step together must’ve been a real Einstein. Give that man a prize.
So, Deandra left and I got into bed and then the rain began. It hasn’t stopped for days.
I wonder now if I should have told Deandra to just forget all that, to just move on.
Am I the disease now? Spreading the hurt to everything I touch?
I am. I know I am. That’s how it works.
‘I’m not sure I’ll ever trust anyone again.’ That’s what Neil said, the last time I spoke to him.
If only I’d listened to him when he’d told me to take a step back.
But instead, I’d pushed and pushed with Jenna, and she had wanted to tell me something. Something bad. An older boyfriend, a fall-out with her friend Rose. Then she’d picked up the ruler and snapped it and walked out, and instead of going in search of our safeguarding lead, I had spied an opportunity to insert myself, again, and walked after her.
She was at breaking point. She needed someone, and that person could be me.
I did think about what Neil had said, but the situation was just too perfect, and to be honest I think I might struggle with impulse control. Just a little bit.
You have to understand how close we’d become. Two, three times a week we’d meet in the library, especially since the falling out with Rose. We’d start talking about acting and film-making and music, but soon the conversation would drift to the big issue: what exactly was wrong with people? FFS?
Talking to Jenna was so much like talking to myself at her age that I felt like maybe I was the only person in the world who could help her. I had set out to be the perfect teacher for her, but it turned out I already was.
Because I understood feeling alone in a family. I knew what it was like to see the distance between your parents grow and grow, to look at the wealth all around you and feel disgusted with your own jealousy and sense of entitlement, and also to be bullied by your friends.
‘Jenna!’ I called, laying a hand on her red backpack as she reached the top of the stairs.
She looked back at me, her face all scrunched up, ready to cry. She looked like her mother, and she looked like me. The short, sharp cut of her hair reminded me of a swinging blade.
I gestured with my chin towards an empty classroom and she followed me in.
Once we were tucked out of sight of the door window, I drew her into my arms for a hug. This was strictly against the rules, but I needed her to see that someone cared – that I would break the rules for her. I wanted her to trust me.
Her hot tears soaked the collar of my white blouse.
‘It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot,’ I said.
She nodded.
‘I know I shouldn’t, but I’m going to tell you about a place where you can just get away from it all if it feels like too much.’
She stood back.
‘There’s a big old house – it’s pretty much derelict now. No one goes there. You can take the main road or there’s a shortcut from the bottom field.’ I described the walk, enough detail so she’d know it, not so much that she thought I was desperate for her to go. ‘The gate is unlocked, and when you get to the house, there’s a key in the lantern by the door. You have to lean hard to open it.’
