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However, I knew that there was one man whom I could get that information from and now, I didn't just have a seeker on my council. No, I now knew I had an Oracle.
Of course, Ella, being the amazing, kindhearted soul she was, she understood how difficult this was for me. Which was why she didn't question it when I told her that I needed to take a walk. A few minutes to clear my head after everything I had heard. But I also knew that she was in a vulnerable place still and I didn't want that for her. So, I pulled her to me and ran the backs of my fingers down her cheek, again marveling at the beauty that I had been granted in everything that was her. Then I told her softly,
“I won't be long.”
She nodded and when she tried to grant me a small smile in return, my heart nearly broke for her. She was trying to be so brave for me. In fact, I was tempted not to leave. But now the secrets of our past were well and truly out in the open, I knew that I had to know it all.
Every. Last. Painful. Detail.
So, I granted her a gentle kiss, knowing that if I deepened it to anything further, then I wouldn't leave at all. Because half of me wanted to pick her up, carry her upstairs, and make love to her. Something I was determined to do the moment I finished what we had started.
Our journey to the truth.
Which was why as much as it pained me to do, I walked away, knowing that despite asking my friend to leave, he would not have gone far. I also didn't know if Ella’s hearing had become more advanced now that she was a Summoner. Hence why I walked further into the woods where there was a small lake nearby. I also sensed this was where Marcus was. As if he knew this was the spot I would have chosen. So, I moved down to the edge of the lake, the crisp dry leaves crunching under my weight as I sat and stared at the still water.
Water that was far too still for my turbulent thoughts.
“Did you know everything?” I asked, knowing Marcus would hear me.
It was if he was waiting for me to make the first move, to be ready enough to ask, and he chose that moment to come and sit down next to me, releasing a heavy sigh when he did.
“I was bound to my oath, J,” he said with what I recognized as deep regret lacing his words.
“And what of the oath you made to me, Marcus?”
Another sigh was my reply before he ran his hand over his head. The bells at the end of his hair playing the light tune was a sound I had become so used to over the years.
“I couldn't tell you,” he stated, making me grit my teeth.
“If you're about to give me your Oracle shit…”
“You know I never really considered my life to be a curse before I met you.” I shot him an incredulous look after hearing this, ready to lay into him. But he held up his gloved hand before I could call him a rotten bastard and drown his ass in the fucking lake.
“There is nothing harder in this world than knowing something that could ease somebody's pain, and being forbidden to tell them for fear of that knowledge changing a happier future.” I forced myself to relax at his words, hating how true they sounded. But his moral compass didn’t stop spinning there.
“It was never hard before I met you because before you, I never really considered myself to have a friend. That is why I never considered my life as a curse before meeting you.” I released a sigh at this, his words cooling my anger even more when I realized what he truly meant.
“You may be a pain in my ass, Marcus, but you're also my best friend for a reason.”
“My incredible wit and irresistible charm?” I gave him a wry look.
“I've always been loyal to you, and I know it may not seem like that now, but above all else, I've always been loyal to your future. The hardest part was keeping it from you. I wanted to intervene… Gods but you have no fucking clue how many times, but fate does not work that way. I made that mistake once and as much as I hate to admit it to that bastard Janus, I learned my fucking lesson, J,” he said, making his shoulders slump at the end.
“And now, what if I asked you to show me?” I asked, making him shrug.
“If I showed you the past now, the outcome would not be any different and would have no effect on your future. You've just got to ask yourself whether you want the pain or not of truly knowing.”
At this I looked back at the cabin, one I could just see through the tree line as I wouldn't have put so much space between us. But I thought back to Ella and the same pain she carried, all though knowing what she did. The burden she carried alone. Which was why I told him,
“I need to know. I need to see it from my own eyes… I want to understand, if not for myself, then for Ella.” At this he shook his head and asked,
“Why, when you already believe her?” I looked out to the lake, remembering that night Lerna first appeared and also the night I dreamt of her… the night that could have ruined it all between Ella and me. Which was why I turned back to Marcus and told him the other reason.
“Because I want it to erase every other memory I have of my wife.” At this he closed his eyes and released an understanding breath before nodding. I knew he had the ability to show me all that Ella had seen, all that Ella had experienced, because despite the timeline that had been erased, he was connected to Janus. He was one of his Oracles. Which meant that Ella and him, they were the only two people that would remember. It was why Marcus had been there as her guide, as her protector. And as heartbreaking as it was of a revelation to swallow, he had also been her protector against me. Because Ella had continued to tell me the story. The part where they both snuck into my club, and she had no other option but to dance for me. To get close to me, despite the perceived danger of doing so.
But deep down I knew that Marcus had known the real plan. He wanted to put her in my path, knowing that it was all part of fate. He knew that I would take one look at her and feel the connection. She had recounted what happened on the bridge after she had escaped with him. But I knew Marcus better than anyone and if he had truly been trying, then they would have disappeared. He had merely been trying to force my HellBeast hand. He knew that by sacrificing himself up as a prisoner, Ella would have done anything to save him. Because that was who she was… she was a savior. It was why she worked the profession she did. Helping people was a part of who she was.
Meaning, Ella would have given in to my demands and Marcus would have trusted that I wouldn't hurt her. Because despite the painful and horrifying realization of what had happened in the cottage that night, and how far my temper had gone, had she not meant something to me, to my HellBeast, then I would have killed her. But if I couldn't kill her that night, then Marcus knew there was no chance of me truly hurting her after it. Now as for hurting her emotionally, that was another thing.
