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I've never had a discussion with anyone about this before. It's far too private, and I don't want this to be the person I tell this to. I know there’s no right or wrong way to touch myself, but he makes me feel like there is, as though there’s something childish in my technique.
“I only have an orgasm from the outside, so I don't see the point...”
He laughs out loud at this, and heat rises into my cheeks.
“What about vibrators? Do you use vibrators?” he asks.
“S-sometimes.”
“On the inside or outside?”
“Outside.”
“Hmmmm,” he says. “I don't like that. We're changing that right now. I'm going to train you to come with penetration.”
“And if I can't?” I ask, the fear threading my voice, making it come out small and quiet. Will he get a new toy, one he doesn't deem defective?
“You will. You've just never been taught properly.”
If I weren't so afraid, I would be offended that this stranger thinks he understands my body and what it is and isn't capable of better than I do. I've tried masturbating that way before. It doesn't work. It makes me feel foolish as though I'm seeking an impossible thing that everybody else is faking, and I'm just too dumb to know it's all an act.
I jump when his hand encircles my wrist. He pulls my arm back over my head and secures me the way he had me.
“What if I can't?” I ask again. I know I shouldn't keep pushing this button, but I have to know. “A-are you going to kill me?”
Amusement laces his voice. “No, Kate, I'm not going to kill you. Killing is so unimaginative. I can't understand the soulless being who can't think of more interesting things to do than take life. I have far better things to do with you than kill you.”
“Until you get tired of me,” I say, wishing I could just shut up. I actually flinch when I say this because I'm afraid I'm pushing too far. I brace myself for the punishment I worry might still be coming.
But he just strokes my inner thigh. “Do you think I'm stupid, Pretty Toy?”
“N-no, Master.”
“Only the stupid get bored. I’ll never run out of ways to twist you to my will.”
Somehow this possibility is more terrifying to me than death. Death promises an end. But my captor is offering the possibility that there will never be an end. And now I'm afraid there won't be. I was so busy worrying about him killing me that I didn't bother to worry about what would happen if he didn't.
He strokes my hair. “No more questions. Just feel. I'm going to teach your cunt how to obey me now.”
I hear a buzzing, and I know he's turned the vibrator up to the highest setting. I want to tell him it will be too intense. I want him to start at the low setting, which I can handle.
As though he can read my mind, he leans in close to my ear and whispers, “I like sluts who can take intense hard vibrations. You will take it, and you will open your legs wider to take more. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Master.”
Tears begin to slip out from beneath the fabric. Every time he speaks to me like this, my body wants him more. I can't cope with how he so easily turns me into his pliant plaything. I thought I would fight more.
I wanted to be someone who would fight. But I can't fight this man. Some part of me knows it's because of the days of head games I've already experienced. The very real threat of starvation I experienced in the cell. I don't want that to happen ever again. And I don't want him to do to me what he did to Seven.
Is it so wrong that I want pleasure over pain even if it comes from a monster?
He spreads me open and presses the toy directly against my clit. I jerk away at the intensity, but he holds it there. I take slow, measured breaths.
He starts to move it up and down over my clit, and then he's dragging the pulsating tip down to my opening, then slowly back up again. He moves the toy over my entire pussy, from my most sensitive flesh, to my least sensitive. When I'm close to coming, he moves away from my clit and focuses on another area with far fewer nerve endings.
This torment goes on forever, and after a while, I'm arching and grinding, moving with the toy. He slips it briefly inside me, then out again. Then he's teasing me everywhere but my clit. He's gotten me so close to the edge, but he refuses to give me sensation where I need it to get off.
“Beg me to come,” he says.
