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“I think you need to get your eyes checked, old man,” I tease.
We continue our side-by-side ride to the fence, even though it’ll take longer to get the job completed that way. He’s got more on his mind. I can tell. But even if I put him off now, Wade will find a way to say it later. He’s a determined son of a bitch.
“I know you got lots of stuff going on in your head. I get it because I’m the same, but you gotta stop getting in your own way.”
“I’m not good enough for him,” I admit, not sure why I let the words fall free. It sounds silly that being part owner of this land would make me feel like I’m bringing something to the table, but it would. Right now I’m just a hothead everyone thinks will be just like his dad, and they’re probably right. And even if no one else understands it, I can’t help but believe this land was stolen from me. Can’t help but feel like I’m nothing without it. It was hammered into my head growing up.
But then, are those my words or my dad’s? Are they his beliefs or mine?
“That’s not what Bishop thinks.”
Then why are we always a secret?
“Bishop tries to be who I need him to be for me, and who his parents need him to be for them. He doesn’t want me. He just doesn’t want to hurt me.”
“Damn fool is what you are,” Wade says, and hell, I’m not even arguing with him. I am a fool, but I can’t help what I feel either. Wade continues, “I had someone once…only person I ever loved, and I fucked it up. Put ranching before them and wouldn’t let myself reach out and grab what I really wanted, and I’ll regret that for the rest of my life. I just don’t want you to do the same.”
He doesn’t look at me, even after he’s done speaking. I didn’t know that about Wade and can’t help wondering if anyone does. I don’t know how to reply because I’m not one to open up easily and… “It’s different with us.”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
I can tell by how he says it that he doesn’t expect me to reply, and that’s good because I wouldn’t know how.
We finish riding fence. Everything checks out, so we head back to the stables. I check the board for jobs that need to be done, my gaze snagging on Aimee’s car as I walk by. How long is she gonna be here?
I take care of a few other chores, then head to see Storm in the paddock.
Pixie is sitting on the ground, messing around with the dogs, but also watching the horses, her hair in a tattered ponytail and dirt on her clothes.
“Did you ride today?” I ask, leaning down to scritch beneath the dogs’ chins.
“Yup. After school. Now I’m just watching them.”
I sit in the dirt beside her. “You like horses as much as I do, I think.”
“So much. They make everything better.”
I couldn’t have said it better myself. “Yeah, kid. They do. You okay?”
She nods, but something doesn’t ring true about it. I don’t think Randy is hurting her or anything. I’d kill the man if I thought that, but I know how it can be to grow up with a daddy you love and feel an obligation to, who also loves the bottle and isn’t quite the father he should be. “If anything is ever not okay, or if you need to talk…” I let the sentence trail off, unsure if I’m the best person for this but wanting to offer. No one did that for me. I was lucky I had my mom. Pixie doesn’t.
“Where are your parents?” she asks.
Pain stiches in my chest. “They both passed away. First my dad, then my mom.”
“That sucks. I worry about him sometimes…my dad. He drinks a lot. He also gets angry. Not at me, but at everything else.”
Jesus, did that sound like my own father or what? He was so damn angry at the world.
Just like you.
“My dad did that as well. It’s hard, but you can’t let yourself get the same way. I did, and I’m still trying to figure my way out of it. If you need something, or if anything ever gets worse or scary or someone hurts you, I want you to tell me…or Sully. If you don’t feel comfortable telling us, talk to Mrs. Sullivan.”
She frowns. “You called him Sully again.”
Shit. I did, didn’t I? “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I wink.
“Do you like Mr. Bishop? My dad says he likes you better than everyone else…that you get special treatment.”
