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He was cold about it and Neeky could not handle the shock of it all. I held her hand while the doctor gave her the news about her miscarriage. Apparently, she did not know that she was pregnant. Nevertheless, she would have wanted the child.
“No, no, no,” she muttered. “My baby.”
Worried, I tried to soothe her. “Neeks, calm down. Don’t get worked up.”
“No … no … no!” she cried. Grabbing my hand, she looked at me pleadingly. “Neo, I want my baby, I want my baby back.”
Neeky was treated for panic attacks while in the hospital as it took a while to calm her down after hearing about the baby. I was afraid she would push me away, but she didn’t. She clung to me like Velcro clinging to fabric. I made sure I was there for her and when she returned home, Uncle and I took care of her. I couldn’t make certain meals because it was Neeky who was teaching me to cook, so Miss Karen took over the meals.
I bathed her even though she was able to manage that. Uncle was responsible for providing humor and entertainment and I told her fables from Italy.
I’ve never taken care of somebody before, not like this as I was the one to always be taken care of. This made me realize how spoiled I was. I’ve been told all my life that I was spoiled and that usually made me angry. However, I knew they were right. Because of this, I went all out and spoiled her, giving her the best care I could. I wanted her to see that I would be there for her in any situation, good or bad. For me, in my heart, it was for better or for worse.
The hospital recommended grief counselling for both of us. This helped us to deal with the loss of our child. Although she was only a month pregnant and we hadn’t developed a bond with it, the loss took a toll on both of us, knowing what we could have had.
The realization that we wanted to be parents together made us aware of how much we loved each other. In the coming days Neeky opened up about her past, her brother, family dynamics and everything she could think of telling me.
It felt like our relationship took a new path. It felt stronger and better than before. And my dream of knowing her better was fulfilling. I told her things that I never told anyone about my promiscuous past, my dreams, my aspirations … everything. I think this made her trust me more.
As promised, during the next few weeks Neeky showed me the island and I fell more in love with Jamaica and her. But I knew it was soon time for me to return home.
