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“Thank you, Pastor.”
He kissed my cheek before reclaiming his spot. The funeral director placed the vault on the small table. Everyone grabbed a spot in the available seating. Once we were all settled, Pastor Richards began. He spoke about God’s love for us and the love we should have for each other as his children. He talked about grief and how we couldn’t allow it to consume us. Then he said something that made perfect sense.
“Grief is a form of love. It is the pent-up love you can no longer give or share; it is the loss of the love you can no longer receive.”
That summed up exactly how I felt. It was devastating carrying around love for someone who wasn’t here to receive it. Of course, there were ways to express that love in other ways, but it would never feel as good as it would if that person were physically here. I listened with an open heart and tried to soak up the words. I knew I’d forever feel this pain, but if I could leave here feeling a little lighter today, that meant progress.
When it came time to place the vault in the ground, I held my head high. I wouldn’t cry at this moment because this was what I’d wanted for my baby. Callum squeezed my hand as he’d been doing every so often throughout the service. Pastor Richards asked us to bow our heads as he led us in prayer.
“Lord, I ask for comfort in this young mother’s pain. Bring her an abundance of your healing mercies. She may grieve because she cannot see him any longer, but we know to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. We rejoice, knowing that little Jordan feels no pain and bears no sickness. He is at peace with his Heavenly Father. I ask that you cover Pasha in your love. Let her know that your grace and mercy are everlasting. In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.”
“Amen.”
Everyone stood while I remained seated beside Callum, who held a protective arm around me. One by one, they greeted me with love and condolences. Avyn’s parents were the last to come to me. They had been like my second family practically my whole life. Mrs. Timmons reached for me, pulling me into her arms. She embraced me in a motherly hug. I hadn’t had one in so long, and to receive it from a woman who had been like a second mother to me was overwhelming.
That was the moment I broke. My tears and cries came in full force. My knees felt weak, but she held me up like only a mother could.
“It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you, and God’s got you.”
For the longest time, she held me, whispering prayers over me. Mr. Timmons gently rubbed my back in a soothing manner. When I finally composed myself, his wife held me away from her.
“We love you, Pasha. We’ve always loved you, and you will always have a family with us.”
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“We have something for you,” Mr. Timmons said.
He stepped behind my parents’ graves and stooped down. When he came back, in his hand was a beautiful marble slab with my son’s name, sunrise, and sunset engraved on it. There was also a little teddy bear etched into it. Mr. Timmons was a mason. The fact that he did this meant so much to me.
“This is... beautiful,” I whispered.
“We wanted you to have something to mark his burial plot,” he explained. “I wasn’t sure if you would get a headstone, and I know those things take time. So I got right to work when Avyn told us about the service.”
“Thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me.”
He placed the slab in a chair and pulled me into a warm hug.
“I’m so sorry, baby girl,” he stated. “I know you would have made an excellent mother. You had to parent my hellraiser throughout your friendship.”
That made me laugh a little. “She’s not so bad.”
He pulled away and kissed my forehead. “Everybody is welcome to come to our house for the repast. We’ve taken care of food and everything.”
“Thank you both. You didn’t have to do that.”
“No, baby.” He cupped my face. “You should be around people who care about you today. Your mother and father would have done the same if it were Avyn in your shoes.”
I nodded. “They would have. They loved her.”
“And we love you.” Mrs. Timmons gently rubbed my arm. “I’ll let everyone know. You take as much time here as you need.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
They both hugged and kissed me once again before leaving me. I reclaimed my seat next to Callum. I rested my head against his shoulder, and his arm immediately came around me.
“Thank you for all you’ve done,” I said softly as I watched the digger fill the small hole.
“There is no need to thank me. I love you. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.” He kissed my temple.
