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“It won’t matter anyway, Marley. As soon as Future comes, we can go our separate ways and be two people that went through something together.”
“Okay, fine. Why are you afraid of using magic?”
A tiny vein showed in his forehead. “I’m not afraid.”
“So, we’re lying when it’s convenient for avoidance. Got it.”
“No. It’s not fear, really. It’s just…” He scratched his head. “I don’t want to rely on something I could lose. Being the wolf was my entire personality for a long time after my parents kicked me out. There was solace there. A sense of happiness. I learned how to just… be. I learned how to run and hunt. How to live. And now it’s all gone. To be honest, I don’t want to be a witch. I won’t lie about that. But it’s far more stubborn nature and mourning than it is fear. I miss the wolf and the freedom he gave me.”
His answer shocked me. Placing a bit of the puzzle in place, I thought I could step back and really see the man for more than his captivating smile.
“My turn.” He adjusted himself on the bench, shifting to face me a little better. “What marked your brother’s heart?”
I was not prepared for that question.
My expression must have surprised him because he wiggled in his seat a bit before saying, “You don’t have to answer.”
Shaking my head, I turned to stare out into the world passing by in a blur. “I don’t mind. I’ve just never spoken a word about my family aloud since I left.”
“I guess that makes us similar.”
“He was older than me but only by a year. He’d gone ice skating with a friend. She’d told him she was afraid, and he pressured her into it anyway, without our parents around, which was strictly against their rules. She fell through the lake and couldn’t be saved, and he held onto that guilt until it turned him sour. He hardly ate, didn’t have any friends, and shut the world out. The goddess came to me and told me I could help save him, and I was so eager to see that light in his eyes, I forgot her warnings.”
Atlas placed his hand over mine, stilling it. “I’m sorry, Marley. That must have been awful.”
“For everyone involved.” I couldn’t handle the pressure of the memories nor the look of pity on his face. Combating dealing with my past, I blurted out the question that had been on my mind since the night before. “Where did you go? After your parents kicked you out?”
He cleared his throat, adjusting the reins. “I was twelve, and Bash had just lost his parents. Torryn moved into the castle to help counsel him, and I followed like a lost puppy with nowhere else to go.”
“Have you lived there since?”
“That’s two questions.”
I rolled my eyes. “Fine, you can have two as well.”
“Yes. Mostly. I have a place in the village, and I spent some time in the human lands, but the castle has always been home. What about you? Where’s home?”
I lifted a shoulder. “Home is wherever I fall asleep, I guess. I don’t have one central place. I roam.”
His brow darted up. “All the time? Isn’t that lonely?”
“That’s three questions. You’re pushing your luck.” I nudged him with my elbow. “Yes, I wander. And no, it’s not lonely. At least it wasn’t. But now, it feels like it might have been. And, maybe, I hadn’t noticed.”
That tiny ball of fire kept us toasty warm as winter day melted into winter afternoon. Our questions moved from serious to small things that probably didn’t matter to most of the world. But I could tell anyone how fast Atlas could run a mile as a wolf, and he could tell them about my fear of snakes. There was comfort in small details. Still, I watched the tree lines in the distance like a hawk most of the ride. I studied the shadows and the shapes that formed them. I kept an eye behind us, never feeling safe enough to really settle in, but comforted by the company, nonetheless.
Levin had found me so many times. Had beaten me bloody, had tried to drown me. Had tried and failed to curse me. Somehow, I’d escaped, but barely. Every time. As the fear took over, exposed as we were to the elements, I continued our game for distraction. We’d lost track of question debt hours ago.
“I thought Raven lost all of her magic. How is this here?” I jutted my chin toward the ball, keeping my hands tucked in my lap below the bear fur.
“There are loopholes in magic, it seems. And Bastian is very good at loopholes.”
“Do other people know?”
“She doesn’t hide her power. But until they can be sure this way of doing it cannot be duplicated by others and create another Grimoire situation, they will not be discussing the how’s of it all.”
Shifting beneath the fur, I shook my head. “I can’t imagine being cut off from my power. It would be like losing one of my senses. To not be able to feel the power would be like not being able to see. Or hear.”
He looked out the window, suddenly preoccupied as he simply nodded.
