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The hallways of the apartment building were narrow and smelled of old piss. Stained carpet and dented doors filled the space as I held my breath and followed the echo of Ro’s heels all the way to the back end of the building, around a corner, up a single flight of stairs, and further down another hallway. When I’d nearly caught up to them, turning the final corner, I drew up short. Could my heart really handle what I might find in this moment? Did I really want to see them embrace as lovers or see his lips on another woman? Though my heart ached at the mere thought, I was not a coward. And I would never be able to look at myself in the mirror if I walked away.
The door to the apartment they sank into was left ajar. And I’d never felt like a bigger fool than I did, peeking inside to find Orin’s eyes locked with mine, arms crossed over his chest, tapping his fingers as if he’d been there for hours, waiting for me to arrive.
“Took you long enough,” he said with an eyebrow raised.
I peeked around him to see Ro sitting on a golden couch that looked oddly similar to one I’d seen in her home.
“Where are we?”
He flashed a curious glance at Ro and then back at me. “You’ve never been here?”
“Of course, she has; she’s just confused.” She pinned me with a stare, but I shook my head, unwilling to play her game.
“No. I’ve never been here. And just as I won’t let you lie to me, Orin, I’m not going to lie to you.”
Ro rubbed her face, the eye roll almost audible. “Fine. Come sit down. Both of you. Where to start…” She tapped a finger to her chin, scooting to the edge of her ornate couch. “Dey first, I think.
“She’s never been here because I have another home I usually invite her to. That covers that.”
And it did, I supposed.
“Orin, on the other hand, is harder. Perhaps we should have some tea. Maybe something stronger?”
I had barely sat down before pulling away from Orin’s grip on my hand and standing. “Just get to the point. I’ve been patient long enough.”
“Your husband has the ability to kill, yet he is not a Death Lord.”
I tucked my chin to my chest, pinning her with a stare. “I’ve gathered that much already.”
Orin cleared his throat, reaching for me, but I took a step back. “Start talking.”
“It’s not like your power. Death doesn’t come. I don’t get names. I just… how do I explain this?” He turned to Ro, but she only lifted a shoulder.
“Try the beginning,” I said, throwing my hands on my hips.
Ro cut in. “Deyanira, sit down.”
“I’m fine standing. None of this explains why you two are sneaking around Perth.”
“Remember that time when you locked yourself in your father’s dungeons, and the madness set in so deep you clawed your way free, and…” Ro’s voice trailed off, but it didn’t stop the embarrassment and shame from crawling across my skin. “You spent a good amount of time lost in the opium dens, and I basically had to drag you out, kicking and screaming?”
Without directly telling him, I’d said as much to Orin in the past. Still, I hated the way that memory haunted me. I sank into the couch, ignoring the pity on his face. My voice was little more than a whisper. “How could I ever forget the way they ran? The screams. The bloodshed. There were twenty-three deaths that day. Twenty-three people that happened to be standing in my path. I can never let that happen again. The madness that has never left or the nightmares from what I became. I tried to lock myself away, and it saturated me in bloodlust. So badly, the only thing I could see beyond the red were the faces of my victims as they fell. I killed until I found a way to stop. But I’ll never forget it.”
“The madness?” Orin asked gently.
“I’m not a terrible person.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Of course, you aren’t. Why would you need to defend that point to me, of all people? You’ve seen the darkness I harbor, Dey. You know most of this truth, though the words haven’t been spoken.”
Managing a breath, I nodded. “Tell me what’s happening.”
“I go to a place that’s consumed by hatred. Slowly, over days, sometimes weeks, I become dark. Hateful. Hard. It’s my own kind of madness, all-consuming until I kill someone.”
I swallowed my pride, reaching for his hand. “Anyone?”
“Anyone. But Ro… she helps me. She finds the criminals, and they are who I hunt. Because I have to. Not because it was ordered by Drexel. He doesn’t know. It’s my choice. Otherwise…”
I knew that fear so intimately it hurt. “If you… I don’t understand. The abhorrence you had for who I was, was real. Why would you hate me so much if you knew why I had to do it, too? If you’d experienced what I did?”
