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“Yes! Wait, hang on a minute.” A waitress comes over with my bag, and I thank her and head off down the dark sidewalk towards home. “I just want to keep it in that realm, so it will stay exciting. If he takes me to lunch and I relax around him, then it won’t be nearly so fun and naughty to do it over the desk, you know what I mean?” I mumble the words do it over the desk, so people walking near me won’t be subjected to my sexcapades without consent.
“So basically, you’re into the power dynamic. You know you can keep a power exchange in a relationship as an agreed upon thing.”
“I don’t know…”
“What’s the real hang-up here?”
“I just want to keep it low key. I’m afraid if I’m actually his girlfriend, I might lose interest.”
“Is that it? Or are you afraid you’re going to fall for a billionaire who will knock you up and bail, just like your dad did?”
“Well, I’m on the pill.”
“You know what I mean.” Aubrey’s giving me the straight-talk right now, and I sort of hate her for it.
“Do you think I’m just letting myself be used?” I change tack again. I’m admittedly all over the place with this situation. “Am I disrespecting myself by screwing the boss?”
“Now you’re just being absurd. That is the most sex-negative, slut-shaming, stupid thing you’ve ever said. Do you love the sex?”
My knees go weak remembering Blackthroat’s large hands picking me up by the waist and sitting me on his desk. From now on, I’ll take what I need, when I need it. And I need it now.
Who says that? And how interesting that he chose the word need and not want.
“Yes.”
“But sex is just for his enjoyment, right? And women should withhold it from men to be respectable?” Sarcasm drips from her voice.
I laugh when I hear how absurd it is.
“What, are you catering to the patriarchy now that you work with them?”
“Okay, you’re right. That was the dumbest thing I’ve ever said.”
“Literally.”
“You got lasagna again, right?”
“You know it. Extra garlic bread for you.”
“You’re the best.”
“I know. I’ll see you soon.”
I end the call and hustle up the stairs to our apartment.
Ugh. I still don’t know where I am with all this. Aubrey couldn’t have been encouraging me to have a real relationship with Blackthroat could she?
No, she was just calling me on my shit, so I couldn’t lie to myself about my real hangups. That doesn’t mean those hangups aren’t legit.
Chapter Three
Brick
“Where are we with the contract?” I demand. It’s Sunday evening, and I’m ready to shred the walls of my office. I’ve kept the legal and analyst teams in my conference room for five days, which means working through the weekend.
Closing on the Benson deal isn’t just a four hundred and forty million dollar benefit to MoonCo, it’s a victory over the Adalwulfs.
“Three hours more, max,” Eagle says. He looks as haggard as everyone in the room. None of us have had more than a few hours’ sleep in days.
