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He left me feeling used.
Fuck, he gave me an incredible orgasm first, though.
Just the thought of it sends my core tingling, and I clench my thighs together. What was it Kirill said about wanting to see me covered in all their cum? Is that a thing the Devils do? Do they like to share women? Is that why he said Tino wouldn’t care if Kirill was with me, too? It wasn’t that Tino didn’t give a fuck about me—it was because he was used to it.
Would they want to share me? I shiver with pleasurable anticipation at the thought. I remember being sandwiched between them when we’d been dancing at the movie. Now, the scene refreshes in my mind, but this time we’re all naked, and there’s no one else around.
Oh, fuck.
I resist putting my hand between my thighs and masturbating to the thought. I can’t let that happen. I’ll be so screwed if I even entertain the idea.
Kirill never once mentioned birth control either. He’s lucky I have the implant. But then I remember the other thing he’d said about him wishing I was carrying his seed around inside me. It sounded way too much like the thought of me being pregnant for my liking. I can barely look after myself, never mind a baby, and besides, I think Kirill would make a terrible father. He seems to have the emotional capacity of a brick.
I soap the rest of my body, and then wash my hair. By the time I step out of the shower, my skin pink, I’m feeling better.
It’s my birthday tomorrow. I turn twenty. I can’t say I’m looking forward to it. My life hasn’t exactly gone to plan. It’s my first birthday without my dad, and the whole day, all I’m going to think about is the person who’s missing. It breaks my heart, and I wish so hard that I could go back in time and change things, stop him from leaving the house that night.
I don’t know if I’ll get the chance to blow out a candle on a cake tomorrow, but if I do, that’ll definitely be my wish.
Chapter 27
Mackenzie
“Happy birthday, sweetheart!”
My mom throws her arms around me and gives me a huge hug. I’ve only just gotten out of bed, and I’m still in my sleep shorts and my hair is a disaster.
“Thanks, Mom,” I say.
“I can’t believe I have a twenty-year-old daughter. How did you get so old?”
I shrug. “I don’t know…time passing.”
“Too quickly,” she says. “I swear I was only changing your diapers the other day. It’s like I blinked, and you were grown.” She produces a wrapped gift from her purse. “It’s not much, I know…”
I blink down at the rectangular shaped present, wrapped in pretty pink paper. “You didn’t have to get me anything.” Money is tight, even if we do have a roof over our heads now.
“It’s my daughter’s birthday. Of course I’m going to get you something.” She seems anxious, biting at her lower lip. “I hope you like it.”
I tear off the wrapping paper to reveal a picture frame. Inside the frame is a photograph of me and my dad from when I was about seven. He’s crouching behind me, his arms wrapped around me, and it’s clear from my expression that I’m laughing.
My eyes fill with tears, and a painful lump clogs my throat.
Mom claps her hand to her mouth. “Oh, sweetie. I’m so sorry. You hate it, don’t you?”
I shake my head. “No, I love it.” I sniff. “I just miss him, that’s all.”
She hugs me again, hard, the picture crushed between us. “Yeah, me too.”
“I remember when this photo was taken. We were on vacation at Disneyland.”
“That’s right. I managed to convince your dad to finally take some time off.” Her smile tightens, stress-lines appear at the corners of her mouth.
“I remember,” I say softly.
I loved my dad, but, looking from an adult’s point of view now, I understand he wasn’t always the best husband. He was away a lot, leaving all the childcare to Mom, and when he was around, he was often distracted. He got a lot of calls that seemed important, and that Mom always warned me not to interrupt when I was small. He’d always been a good dad to me, though. Maybe I still see him through rose-tinted glasses, especially now he’s gone, but I’m grown up enough to know things weren’t always perfect in their marriage.
I wonder if he’d be disappointed in me now—in the person I’ve become.
