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“Darling, it’s me.”
I stiffen at the familiar, soft voice. That voice has meant so much to me over the years. Safety, first and foremost. Love, friendship, and now far too many complicated things for me to really understand. How can it be that a person can give you so much love but at the same time so much pain?
“Come in,” I say.
My mother walks into the room, and her pale, blotchy face makes me feel ashamed. Even like this, though, she’s still incredibly beautiful. I don’t think my mother will ever stop being beautiful. At least not to me.
“How are you feeling?” she asks. “Why did you go and run off? Are you okay?”
She peppers me with questions, and part of me wants to scream at her that I’m sure she already knows. I’m sure her precious Nataniele’s filled her in on everything. Looking at her, though, the anger, the flashes of hatred fade away. To my horror, tears prick my eyes, and I can’t control them. They start to roll down my cheeks, and I throw an arm over my face to hide them.
“Oh, darling, it’s okay.” She comes to me in the way she always has and pulls me into her arms.
Her scent is so familiar. She always felt like coming home. She still does in many ways, but there’s now a gap between us. A huge, yawning chasm that I don’t know if we can ever close. It breaks my heart. I want to try because I know I love her, and I don’t want anger and hatred between us. The safety I only ever felt with her, though, I’m starting to feel with three dangerous, frankly deranged, men.
“I’m okay, Mom.” My croaky voice mangles my words.
“You can’t run, darling.” She smooths her hand over my hair and kisses the top of my head. “I know you’re upset and angry. I don’t blame you, and I don’t want to talk about that. I’m not here to drag it all up. We will talk about it when you’re ready. And you can say whatever you want to me, and I will listen, and I will take it. What you can’t do is run away. It’s not safe.”
“How long did you know?” I ask.
“Know what?”
“Don’t play the innocent. Not now. Not after everything you’ve done.” I pull out of her embrace. “You can’t sit here holding me and stroking my hair and begin the lies all over again.” I shake my head. “When did you realize that he wasn’t dead?”
I don’t have to say his name. She knows I mean the professor.
“I didn’t find out for certain immediately.” She sighs and picks at a loose thread on her pants. “Nataniele sent some men over there to clean the apartment. To protect you.” She searches my face with a beseeching gaze.
“Go on,” I say.
“Obviously, they didn’t find a body, but Nataniele didn’t tell me for a couple of days. He was hoping his men could find the professor, and deal with it without worrying either of us. When he did eventually tell me what he knew, I didn’t want to tell you because we weren’t sure what had happened.”
“So you just let me carry on believing I’d murdered a man? Do you have any idea how much I’ve been struggling with that?”
“It wasn’t that easy. There were other people involved, and we didn’t want you to freak out and do something stupid.”
Like running away, I think.
She continues, “Nataniele’s men found some signs of a struggle and cleaned the place up. They reported back to him, and he tried to find out what he could. There were even questions around whether somebody else had moved the body. We really didn’t know. It only came to light that he was still alive when Nataniele found out from a friend he has on the police force that the professor was on CCTV footage.”
“I might not have run if you told me Paxton was still alive. It feels like you’re just lying to me over and over.”
“I didn’t want you to be scared,” she says. “In hindsight, it was a really stupid thing to do. I didn’t think you’d run. How could I know what would happen at the wedding and the subsequent events? I thought if you knew he was alive you’d be terrified. We’re safe here, so I didn’t think it mattered. There is no way he’s getting to you while you’re at Verona Falls. I swear to you. I know you don’t like Nataniele, and I understand that. However, the one thing he will do is protect what is his.” She wrings her hands, twisting them over and around one another. “That now includes you and me. The professor is out there, and we believe he wants to find you, but I swear you are safe here. It’s why we can’t leave.”
I stare down at the sheet covering my bed and scratch at it absentmindedly with my fingernail.
“I don’t know,” I say. “I might be better taking the risk out there. I almost killed him once, so if he did find me, who’s to say he’d get the upper hand?”
“Darling, you had the element of surprise. But don’t forget he tried to rape you. He’s not a good man. Nataniele has found out some things about your professor. I really don’t think he’s someone you should want to come across again in this life.”
My interest is piqued. “What things?”
“I don’t know, because he hasn’t told me. He said the less we know, the better.”
I snort at that. “Of course he did.” Like father, like son. Control freaks, the pair of them.
“So, basically, I’m not going to be safe for the rest of my life.” The words are quiet in the room, but they carry so much weight.
