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I scowled. “What exactly has Seth told you about me?”
Peyton’s expression softened into something that I was beginning to learn was more of a motherly look. I’d seen it on Bayley, Micah’s mom. On my lawyer, Amy Rivera. Even on my doctor’s face. The last person I expected to see it on was Seth’s aunt’s face.
“Enough to know this last year has truly tested you. Enough for Bebe to decide that you needing him far outweighed his own personal trauma.”
Her words felt heavy to me and I didn’t respond, opting to just sit there and let what she said settle. It always felt like Bebe knew when I needed him most and he had always been happy to be at my side in those moments. I just never thought I’d hear someone talk about it. It always felt like a special connection between the two of us.
Something that was unspeakable.
But Peyton voiced it so well.
Two broken souls recognizing that the other was broken and willing to be a companion.
“Are you giving your boys some consideration?” Peyton asked.
“What?”
She was smiling again, but a bit more in a teasing way. “Seth came to my house last Sunday and spent most of it asking my husbands and me questions. He never said why he was suddenly so interested in a poly relationship, but he didn’t need to. He speaks about you a lot and then suddenly he’s showing interest. I’m assuming the guys are interested in you. What about you?”
I licked my lips, my throat feeling a bit too dry all of a sudden. “I actually don’t know for sure where the guys stand. I mean, they said things, took a stance to stand by my side, but I don’t get what it means.”
“They didn’t actually come to you about everyone wanting to date you?”
I shook my head. “Only Seth has been the most up front. And I guess Justin too.” My face was on fire as I talked. “I’ve kissed them both.”
“Well, I guess that’s a start. So you at least like Seth and Justin. Both good boys. What about the others.”
“I do care about them.”
“But you aren’t sure?” she asked.
“I don’t… get it. I don’t understand.”
She nodded and looked up at the sky. Slowly, a smile formed and she seemed so at peace with herself. It made it so hard to say anything else. “I was in your place before,” she said. “I liked two big, annoyingly over protective knuckleheads. Loved them both actually. Yet everyone around me kept telling me I had to choose. Made me believe that I could only have one of them, that our happiness—not just mine, but theirs too—was only if I chose one of them and let the other go. That I couldn’t be greedy. They were so sure that a person can only love one person at a time and they made sure I believed it too.”
“How did you get past that?” I asked.
“I didn’t. My husbands did. I was pushed so hard that I was willing to just say fuck it and not bother with either of them. They were good friends, and I didn’t want to ruin that either. They sensed that I was pulling away from them. Then they proved to me that my heart was big enough for both of them. They proved that all of our happiness was with each other. Fuck anyone else who dared to tell us how we felt. And we’ve been together since. It wasn’t easy, especially early on. My mom even kicked me out of the house until my brother got her to at least be tolerant of my choices. No one thought we’d last.” She laughed and it was one of the most freeing sounds I’d ever heard. “We’ve been proving them wrong for twenty years, and we’re looking forward to another twenty years of doing the same.”
Peyton drew in a breath and released it slowly, her eyes half closed. She truly looked like she was enjoying herself as we sat in Seth’s yard.
“If you love them, if you truly want to be with them, then don’t let anything hold you back, especially the fucked-up society we live in that only lets you love one person. Love is boundless for a reason. Explore what you feel for them. They obviously want to explore it with you.”
Listening to Peyton was motivational. It sent thrills through me, made me feel like I could face the world and more.
“But first, figure out where everyone stands. You aren’t going to get anywhere if you tiptoe around it. It only leads to misunderstandings and extra anxiety. All of you are making a scary decision, and I’ll have to say, five boys. That’s ambitious even to me. But I run in those circles, and I can tell you with confidence, that people out there have made it work. It wasn’t easy. Hard as fuck from the stories they told me, but they did it. So who am I or anyone else to tell you that you can’t. Try. Fight for it. You look like a fighter to me.”
“I don’t really feel like one,” I admitted.
Peyton rested her hand on my forearm and squeezed it, her grip strong and supportive. “You are, Cadence. Your life already proves that. Emancipation. Buying your own house. Already with a career. Moving away from your past. You are extremely strong. Seth sees that. And the other boys too. They all see it and that’s why they’re willing to fight to stay by your side. Now it’s your move.”
“Talk to them,” I whispered, thinking about the little bit of insight she’d given me.
“Yes. You already kissed two and it seems they know you kissed them both, and they’re okay with it.”
“Actually, they all know.”
“And none of them have gone running. Well then, I think you have your answer, no?” Peyton climbed to her feet. “Relationships aren’t easy, even between couples. Everyone has to work together and talk. Talking is big. So start with that. Be upfront with them. ‘Are you interested in dating me even though I’m already dating Seth and Justin? Even though I want to also date everyone else? Even though I refuse to diminish my love by only choosing one of you?’”
