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“I really don’t know what to do.”
I cupped his cheeks and made sure we were looking at each other. Leaning in closer, I was only inches from him now. His rock-hard body became granite under my touch. He was barely even breathing. Strands of black hair fell softly across his forehead, almost reaching his dark blue eyes. I pushed them away, making sure we could see each other clearly.
I kept my stare steady and somber. I did to him what I did to myself way too often in order to face my emotions, especially when I had to convince myself that dad was never going to come back. Or when I had to tell myself that my mother didn’t love me. That what had happened to her was my fault.
I lied to him like I had to lie to myself so often.
“Justin. Your father has passed away. He is dead.”
His eyes widened in shock, his mouth popping open. He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing. I leaned even closer, my voice dropping to a whisper. “He’s no longer here. He’s gone. Buried in the ground.”
His eyes shimmered, tears filling them.
“Justin.” I made my voice firmer. “Your father is dead.”
The tears fell. He took in a shuddering breath, hard enough to shake me.
I close the space, resting my forehead against his, relaxing my body, my eyes half closed. “I think you have your answer, no?” I used my thumb to wipe away his tears.
My heart shredded at what I did to him. Was it too much? Too cruel? It worked for me, but was this the right thing to do for him?
Justin grabbed my hands and squeezed them tight as he pulled them down to rest between us. His eyes were half closed as well, but still on me.
Justin’s captivating gaze drew me in as he dove into the depths of my being. Even now, I felt a bit raw as his eyes stayed glued on mine. He was a man of few words but of many expressions and right now his expression told me he wanted to kiss me.
I leaned in and he met me, gently pressing his lips to mine. His kiss was delicate, filled with hesitation and uncertainty. I responded to his gentleness, making sure he understood that I wanted it too. We kissed slowly as Justin built himself back up again. I let him take the lead, let him set the pace, gave him what he needed. I liked kissing Justin, I liked how my body warmed on top of him, how my stomach turned into a net of butterflies. How strong it made me feel knowing I was giving him what he wanted.
I’d be more than happy to sit here and kiss him for hours if that was what he wanted.
Finally, Justin drew back enough to rest his forehead against mine, eyes fully closed now, chest heaving. I wrapped my arms around him as he pulled me tighter against him. It felt like he was trying to fuse our bodies together, leaving no space between us. He nestled his head into the curve of my neck, his warm breath tickling my skin.
“I guess I do have my answer. I’m scared though,” he finally said.
“You called me and I came,” I said, turning and placing a quick kiss against his neck, liking how he shivered against me. “I’ll do that every time. Call me and I’m there. No hesitation. No matter what I’m doing or who I’m with. And I have a sneaking suspicion that if you called the others, they’d be there for you too.”
Justin buried himself deeper against me, his body shaking. I didn’t need to see his face to know he was crying. His breaths were uneven and every so often, shaky as he fought his emotions. He had finally broken down, releasing all those he’d bottled up. I tightened my hold on him and began humming a song my dad used to sing to me as a kid when I was sad. It was a solemn tune that simply reminded the other person that they weren’t alone, that the singer was there for them.
I wanted Justin to know that. It was important for him to understand.
He wasn’t alone. I was here with him for as long as he needed me. Even if my feet began to tingle. Even as the pain in my back began to make itself known. None of that mattered because at the moment, Justin needed me, and truthfully, I needed this too. This reassurance.
We weren’t alone.
It was a long time before Justin felt settled enough to pull away from me. I climbed off his lap and tucked myself into his side. He wrapped his arm around me, holding me close, and then we silently went back to watching the roaring river.
Only when Justin’s phone began going off every few seconds, filled with messages of concern from the others, did we finally stand up and head back. This time, Justin held my hand and safely led me back to my car, finally feeling strong enough to take the lead.
Chapter Nine
The excited chaos of regionals was upon us at school. It was evident as soon as I pulled into the parking lot. There was a massive banner cheering on our team, decked out in our school colors. People were wearing their jerseys, grey and yellow splashed all over the school. Even Sugar Maple, our mascot, was stamped all over the place.
Cheers kept breaking out as some of the soccer teammates began chanting one thing or another.
“This is insane,” Micah said, joining me by my car.
“I guess regionals is a big deal,” I said.
Micah chuckled. “Of course you would say that. This is the moment the team has to shine. Seniors go crazy because this is where their chances are to get college scholarships. If I remember Hazel correctly, she said only like five percent of athletes are offered college team spots.”
