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“She told me I should just be upfront and ask.” I pulled on all the courage I had inside me as I sat straighter. “Seth mentioned it before but I wasn’t ready to face it. But then you did that at the Halloween party and I don’t think I can keep ignoring it. Do you want to date me? And do you want to date me understanding that I might date someone else? I’ve already kissed Seth and Justin.”
Paxon’s eyes looked like they were ready to bug out of his head. He didn’t think I’d just toss it all out there like that. I didn’t think I would either, but that seemed to be what was needed. We’d all been singing different tunes for too long and it was time we came together and at least were on the same chorus.
Why not start with Paxon? Toby and he had already voiced their thoughts publicly at the Halloween party—granted a little vague—but now it was time to stop doing that. I didn’t want to drag this confusion around anymore. This feeling of guilt and shame.
Peyton’s confidence flashed through my mind. How she had no qualms about mentioning that she had two husbands despite not knowing how I’d react, how she walked with so much confidence that it felt like some of it seeped into me. How upfront she was about it all.
And talking about others out there in poly relationships. That I shouldn’t let those around me decide for me that I couldn’t date more than one person, that I had to limit myself because that was what was appropriate.
The day I became emancipated, I was done with appropriate. Appropriate would have been to go into the foster system until I turned eighteen. It would have been to punish my mother by letting her stay in jail. It would have been never helping Janice escape her abuser because it wasn’t my business. It would have been to stay away from the boys, to never move from my house, to never live alone.
Fuck it all.
I wanted answers now. I wanted to keep fighting to move forward. I didn’t want to be stuck anymore, and it all was going to start by putting Paxon on the spot. I almost pitied him.
“Yes,” Paxon finally said, instantly loosening the stress that shivered through my limbs. “Yes. I’m in. We’re already aware of such relationships because of Seth. And frankly, I like the idea that you have people in your court. You’re worthy of the whole world loving you. Of the people around you taking care of you, protecting you. I learned with my brother that fighting solo doesn’t work. My dad fought solo and lost to my mother. My little brother had to suffer for it. Justin fought alone and he nearly died. His mother did die.” Paxon swallowed. “You too. You fought alone for so long that it was almost too late. That’s unacceptable to me. No one gets to be alone. Not anymore.”
His words hit me way too hard, and I blinked furiously, swallowing the emotions clogging my throat.
He was in. He wanted to date me, even if I dated the others.
“I’m in too,” I rasped out. “I’m scared. I don’t understand relationships, but I’m in. I want to try it. With you. With the others. I don’t know, it feels…” I shook my head, trying to find the right words. “Not trying with all of you seems wrong. Doesn’t feel right.”
Paxon reached out and held my hands. “I get it. I do. And it’s done.” He smiled. I couldn’t help it, my smile turned shy. “I’m yours, just like you’re mine.”
“I missed something important,” Justin said.
I jumped at his unexpected presence. He grabbed the chair next to Paxon, looking between the two of us with an eyebrow slightly raised. My cheeks heated, and I ducked my head down so my hair fell forward and hid my embarrassment.
Paxon chuckled. “Cadence officially asked me out and I said yes.”
“Paxon!”
Paxon grinned, giving me a slight shrug. “It’s true though. I’m your boyfriend. It’s official. I’m not going to shy away from it. Seth warned us that if we shied away from what our relationship is, bad things can happen.”
“About time.” Justin took the seat next to Paxon. He tilted his head to the side and smiled. “I’m in too, if you’ll have me.”
My mouth popped open, getting a chuckle from him.
“I already said it before, but if we’re looking at making things all official and shit, then same for me. I want to be your boyfriend. Do you feel the same?”
I swallowed hard. “I do. And okay.”
“Okay.”
“Okay,” Paxon said.
All three of us looked at each other and then broke out laughing at the absurdity of what was said. Only after we calmed down did Paxon grab one of the board games and we used that to distract us until we were tired enough to go back to sleep.
Chapter Fifteen
“Did you sleep at all?” Bryan asked. I was half asleep as I leaned against him, unable to stay awake.
“No,” I admitted. “I think three hours?”
“What the hell? You were passed out when Seth and I left. Did those assholes wake you up?”
“No.”
