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After getting comfortable on a wicker chair, I messed around with my guitar, making sure the strings were good and properly tuned. I strummed through a couple of songs, letting the soft notes wrap around me, comforting me. My emotions mellowed out, my thoughts slowing down.
I got lost in the music, letting it soothe me from head to toe. Music for me was like holding on to a favorite stuffed animal, or wrapping myself in a blanket. It was how I learned to self-soothe myself when I had no one else to help me through my emotions.
It was already pretty dark outside, but Bryan had set up my backyard with lights when he installed my security system. They were on, leaving only shadows far away from me. The cold air bit at my skin and I began shivering, and yet still, I didn’t want to move. I remained there, playing my guitar. No lyrics, no thoughts about work.
Just my calm mind to keep me company.
I was so engrossed in my guitar that when a warm blanket was put around my shoulders, I nearly screamed.
“What?” I turned to see a smiling Paxon.
“When did you get here?” I asked.
“Just a little while ago. I hope you don’t mind me coming in?”
I shook my head. “That’s why you all have keys, right? In case something happens?”
Paxon grabbed a nearby wicker chair and moved it closer to me before sitting down. “How are you doing? We got worried when you didn’t respond to any of our texts.”
“Oh. I left my phone inside.”
Paxon smiled. “I figured.”
“How are you doing?” I asked. “You should be feeling good about the win. But I also know the celebration wasn’t the best.”
“I’m happy for my team. Disappointed in Benji. Sad for Justin. Sore as hell.”
I licked my lips. “Where is Justin? How is he doing?”
“He’s with Aunt Laura right now. He came back home with Dad and me.” Paxon leaned back, taking off his beanie and resting it in his lap as he ran his fingers through his hair. His arm dropped to his side as he stared at the sky. “He’s quiet. Withdrawn. I knew shit wasn’t going easy with him because of his dad. I just didn’t think he’d burst like that. I haven’t seen that happen in a while.”
“He’s beaten up people before?” I asked, not liking the way that tidbit of information sat in my stomach.
“No, actually. He of all people knows the power violence. He usually takes it out on himself. And that’s why I’m worried.”
“What aren’t you saying?” I asked.
“I don’t know. Knowing Justin, what he did is going to make things worse.” Paxon sighed. “I’m worried about him. I didn’t mean for things to go that direction.”
“You were doing what you needed to do, drawing lines with the others, letting them know exactly how you felt. Benji took it too far,” I said. “It shouldn’t have been that messy.”
“You got hurt.”
“So did Justin.”
Paxon shook his head. “It isn’t the same. He… You shouldn’t have gotten hurt.”
“And neither should have Justin.” I glared at Paxon. “Nor Benji. No one should have gotten hurt.”
Paxon sat up and leaned forward, getting a closer look at my face. “How is your jaw? It’s bruising pretty badly.”
“I applied some cream already. It’ll be fine.”
He pressed his lips together, his hands curling into fists on his thighs.
“No one did anything to me on purpose. It was only an accident.”
“I know.”
