Page 63 of Holding the Tempo


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“And it feels like if he hits that last note, and it’s wrong, he’s going to be gone. He’s never going to go on that stage again. He won’t try anymore, even when he has so many people by his side, cheering him on.”

“Then join him,” Dr. Arason said. “Don’t let him do it alone.”

“But if he doesn’t want me?”

“If he truly doesn’t want you there, then you have to respect that.”

That answer was terrible. I hated it. But I also got it too. Was this what led to the guys always saying to give him space? Because he refused any help from them. Had they tried to help him when he didn’t want it and it only pushed him away?

But there was a limit to giving someone space, especially when they were so absolutely overwhelmed. Between watching his dad die, and then hurting a student, and all the stress of life, he could just as easily be overwhelmed. In that case, giving him space wouldn’t be a good idea.

“You look like you have an answer now,” Dr. Arason said.

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” she asked.

I thought about that. Reluctantly, I said, “I do.”

I needed to know if Justin was going to pull away so far that there was no way to mend our relationship. One that had only just began. Hadn’t had time to get anywhere, really. Still, though. I needed to know. I refused to live in limbo, in wondering. I had done that for the past seven years after Dad left. I wasn’t going to wait for anyone anymore.

~*~

What I wanted to say to Justin formed slowly as I drove to the recreational center after my appointment was over. I needed to get the signup sheet going and check in with the others on the plans for the concert.

I still didn’t quite have it down by the time I pulled into the parking lot. Waiting impatiently for me was Cal with Paxon grinning at us.

“Why aren’t you inside playing?” I asked as I joined them.

Paxon shrugged. “Mini-me wanted to wait for you.”

Cal grabbed my hand and nearly pulled me along into the building. “I want to make sure I’m the first to sign up.”

“Uh huh.” We walked into the sign-in area, and I was hit with a wall of noise. Kids were laughing and screaming. The receptionist’s smile widened when she realized it was me.

“Cadence! We were looking forward to seeing you,” she said. “They said you agreed to help with the concert?”

“How could I say no to that?” I asked. “Anything to help you guys out. I just wanted to stop in to see if a sign-up sheet has been posted yet?”

“No, not yet. They wanted your input on it first.” She dug around the desk before pulling out a folder and passing me a sheet of paper.

“Let’s get this little man signed in and then we can get this up,” I said.

Cal was jumping at my side, trying to see the paper. I laughed and showed it to him. It wasn’t anything special. Just the event information along with lines for people to sign up.

Paxon got his little brother and us signed in and then we went in.

“Go play with them,” Paxon said.

“No, I want to be first,” Cal said.

“How about before I hang it up, I tell you?” I asked.

That seemed to work and then Cal was running off to join the other kids. I watched him briefly as he joined a couple of other boys about his age. They were all holding tennis rackets, talking with each other. They seemed to welcome him in.

Smiling, I went over to one of the tables and looked over the form. I added in another column for people if they had any specific songs they wanted to do.

“Thank you,” Paxon said.

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