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“Chest hair is the new black according to my sources,” I remarked, giving into the smile. “And you know I have my finger on the pulse of all things hip and cool.”
She pretended she was scouring the room for our waitress. “I better get a refill then.” She reached for the sugar and sprinkled some in the cup, stirring it in pensively. “You ready to talk about what happened?”
I pushed my back against the tattered booth, the cut of the jagged fabric preferable to poking at the fresh wound. “It’s complicated.”
“You are dating one of the sexiest, most successful businessmen in the States and apparently, Captain Freaking Gorgeous is throwing his hat in the ring. Complicated is a bit of an understatement, don’t you think?”
She had a point. I’d passed complicated as soon as I signed on the dotted line and became Jacob’s assistant and submissive.
There really weren’t any words for my current situation. Somehow, my real life fairytale took a detour and became a nightmare. Somewhere along the way, I became the villain who kept hurting the person I cared about most. It was hard enough admitting that to myself, but saying it out loud? That was unbearable.
But Megan didn’t back down. “I’m guessing you finally talked to Jacob, face to face.”
I gave her an inch. “Yes.”
“And it didn’t go well.”
“Now that’s an understatement.” I dodged the daggers she flung in my direction. “Yes, we finally talked.” I crossed my arms, remembering the sheer joy at even seeing his face. “He made a joke and then we kissed.”
“You kissed?” she said excitedly. “You kissed, that’s--” She paused, green eyes reading my pinched expression. “--not great?”
“Not great,” I confirmed, looking at the kitchen. Where was my food? I needed grease, chocolate, and fat if I was really going to talk about this. “He barely kissed me and when I tried to touch him…” The hurt sliced as deep as before, right to the bone. I couldn’t finish.
“Oh,” Megan said softly. Her shoulders slumped. “I’m so sorry.”
“Oh that’s not the worse part,” I said with a bitter chuckle. “The best is yet to come.”
Suddenly she was looking like she wanted to turn back, not wanting to hear any more. “So today in class, one of my students--”
“I thought you wanted to find out why I’m about to devour three thousand calories in one fell swoop?”
Almost on cue, our waitress came up with my mega meal and milkshake on a tray, unloading all of it on my side of the table, then topping off Megan’s coffee. I took a sip of my milkshake, swallowing the creamy mix as she shifted uncomfortably.
“You should only talk about it if you’re ready to talk about it.”
“Oh I’m ready,” I said with a big, plastic smile. “Why wouldn’t I want to tell you all about how I broke Jacob Whitmore’s heart?”
“Leila--”
“Why wouldn’t I want to rehash the single moment that’s been playing on loop for hours? To relive the look of gut wrenching agony on his face? To talk about how after everything we’ve been through, how I fought so hard to get him to open up, he thinks that I did it all so I could just stab him in the chest?”
She snapped her mouth shut.
“He thinks I don’t respect him. And why wouldn’t he? This Cade crap is the second time I’ve kept the whole truth from him.” My voice was getting louder and Megan glanced around nervously at the diners who shot their eyes in our direction. I didn’t even notice them. “He thinks all of his love has been wasted on me. He thinks I don’t love him.” I yanked out the toothpick holding my burger together and picked it up, lettuce and onions raining back onto the plate as tears streamed down my face. I didn’t taste anything but I just kept biting, stuffing the meat down my throat. I just wanted to feel something, anything other than this pain.
“He knows you love him.”
I dropped the last soggy bit onto the graveyard of food and washed it down with half of the shake.
“Of course he does,” I said sarcastically. “That’s why he acted like touching me was revolting. That’s why he wiped off his mouth like…like…” I looked at my plate and my stomach tumbled. “I think I’m going to be sick.” But I didn’t move. I couldn’t move.
Megan’s concern morphed into horror as she scooted out of the booth and gripped my arm, guiding me to the bathroom. It wasn’t until she pushed me into the stall that my limbs worked again and I sunk to my knees and retched. My body expelled everything I’d forced down my throat in the past ten minutes. When I came up for air and saw that I was in the dirtiest stall on earth, knees glommed to the floor and dirty pads sticking out of crusty wastebasket a few inches from me, I dry heaved.
“You okay?” Megan asked outside the stall. I guess that was the one up side. She didn’t just see me puke up chunks of Rudy’s.
I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and rushed out of the gross cubicle like it was on fire. I flipped on the water at the sink and used my hand as a gourd, gurgling and spitting it out.
I gripped the sides of the sink, willing the nausea way. “I’m fine.”
