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“I sure do,” I admitted.
He stepped closer again and laid his hand on my chest, gently pressing against a pec muscle. “Maybe I’ll stop by sometime. See if there’s anything I can help you with.”
For an angelic-appearing young man, he oozed heat and sex. Did he know the effect he had on people? He had to know. I wanted to throw him in the back of my SUV’s cargo area and fuck him senseless.
“I’d appreciate that, Chad,” I said, swallowing my dirty thoughts and trying to return to being a respectful guest.
He sensed the change in my demeanor as I struggled to compose my thoughts and my expanding zipper.
“Great, then!” he exclaimed, taking two more steps backward and breaking my heart. “Drive safe on your long ride home,” he teased.
And just like that, the connection was gone. I had so easily been under his spell that I hadn’t even seen the effect he had on my emotions. He could’ve said I love you and I would have followed suit. I had never believed in love at first sight until that night.
* * *
“He said someday,” I mumbled, still fixated on the memory of that night.
I backed away from the window and set the binoculars on the dresser. I felt depressed all of a sudden. He was just being nice when he mentioned stopping by, and I’d managed to build the interaction into this big thing that didn’t exist.
He was twenty-two. I was nearing forty. I felt alone and made my way downstairs to another large and empty space, similar to my heart. Chad had woken something up in me. I realized that I did have the capacity to love again. I wanted to love again. I needed to feel like part of a team again.
As a gay man, I’ve always been more domestic than most of my peers. Having a solid relationship and caring for one person had always been my goal. I was nearing thirty when I finally found it with Alan. Twenty-eight seemed a long time to have waited, but once I’d found love, I was certain I would be great at it.
Alan offered everything that I had dreamed of. A faithful man, a loving relationship, great sex, and a future. Only one of those items ended up being accurate. After losing him, I was broken and convinced I would never feel an ounce of the attraction I’d felt for Alan.
That, as it turned out, wasn’t true any longer. A boy had helped me see the possibilities again. He was a couple of hundred yards away currently and I couldn’t figure out how to get him to make someday today.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: Chad
Sitting on the deck and staring at the sea found me meditative and serene. The ocean and the sounds associated with it were the perfect salve for my melancholy feelings. My state of mind was questioning and unsure, two emotions that concerned me as I attempted to look within myself. What was it about the new neighbor that kept knocking on my brain? What was the message?
Call it a feeling, premonition, or my usual instinct, but I felt like Cole had been watching me as I surfed near our homes. The distance from the shore to his house was at least half a football field length away, yet I’d noticed a shadowy figure in his upstairs bedroom. Was it intuition or my simple desire to be noticed by him?
Two weeks passed, and I’d yet to stop by and say hello. I hadn’t promised I’d visit but had mentioned I might. Many walks on the beach and surfing runs had gotten me close to calling on him, but I couldn’t quite get my head wrapped around my motivation to do so. Would a visit be to form a friendship, or was it so I could investigate the feelings I had been trying to tamp down? Having received no messages, or omens, had me questioning our connection.
Dinner was a nice experience with Cole. My folks liked him immediately and even though he was Dad’s client, Dad and Cole had seemed to hit it off as buddies as well. The dinner visit reminded me of when I’d brought Perry home for a surprise visit two and half years ago. My folks had taken an instant shine to him as well and continue their relationship with Perry to this day.
The difference then was that Mom and Dad didn’t act like they thought Perry and I were possibly attracted to one another the way Mom especially came across with Cole. I had been attracted to Perry, but instinctively knew that he was not my destiny. I couldn’t say that about Cole, and that was the confusing part.
At dinner, it became obvious to me that Cole was a quality person and that I may have prejudged him based on his negative reaction to my connection to his friend Jack. But like Mom and Dad always said, “You surprise people with your ways sometimes, Chad.”
Cole was pleasant to be around and had a sophisticated yet understated persona. He was one of those folks that you knew had class, but didn’t exhibit the trait by seeming stuffy or privileged. Like most people with assets, he presented himself well, but you didn’t feel compelled to hate him on sight.
I certainly won’t deny that I found him attractive. He’d been present in my mind ever since the goodbye hug. He’d wrapped me in his arms like a familiar scent. He felt like home and safety, a deadly combination of emotions that tended to melt my heart when confronted with them. Like I was with Perry, I was drawn to the connection. Unlike Perry, I wasn’t certain Cole was for someone else. That was where my dilemma was.
* * *
“So?” Mom asked when I returned to the house after seeing Cole off. “What do you think of our Mr. Hicks?”
“I like him,” I admitted. “Happy to have had a second opportunity to spend time with the man,” I added, sliding onto a barstool while Mom and Dad cleaned up. “Can I help?” I asked, feeling guilty about not assisting. Mom waved me off.
“I, for one, think he’s amazing,” Dad offered, turning from the sink and checking my reaction.
“Of course you do, Pops. He spent the entire evening complimenting your taste and ideas about investing,” I stated. “I’m barely recovering from the induced coma because of the boredom.”
Mom turned around, joining my father with her back against the counter, and dried her hands with a dish towel. She elbowed my father before grinning at me. “Your father likes Mr. Hicks, son. He wants you to give him another chance and return to work for him,” she said.
“And you?” I asked. “What does my matchmaker of a mother want me to do?”
