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“I am, but sometimes I feel like I didn’t save enough for me. Does that make sense?” I asked.
“That’s because you give so much to others. Your sweet and sensitive soul has always been that way, and I’m not asking you to change, but like I said, you’re barely an adult. Give yourself a break, son.”
“First, David leaves me after only a year and then the same with Clint. What about me is only worth a year?” I ruminated.
Mom tsked and swatted my hand. “First off, David died, honey,” she clarified, frowning at my ridiculous comment. “Second, Clint went through a life-changing event and perhaps he was so overwhelmed that he committed to something he wasn’t ready for,” she advised. “But I, for one, do not see how either of those events stops you from trying again. You love hard, son. That is what you do. Don’t give up so soon.”
I reached for and held her hand. “But how can I be sure the next time?” I asked, needing her reassurance as well as her guidance.
“You can’t be,” she admitted, much to my chagrin.
I rolled my eyes and tapped her hand in disappointment. “Thanks, Mom,” I replied sarcastically. “I appreciate the support.”
Mom’s eyes narrowed, and she squeezed my hand to make sure I was paying attention. “You don’t need my help, Chad. You’ll always have mine and Dad’s support, but you’re a special being, so how about we quit with the pity party?”
Mom held the sides of my face and pulled me closer, kissing my nose. A single tear slid down my face before I could stop it. “What do I do next?” I asked.
“Extend your visit. Stay in the guest house for the summer,” she suggested. “Come home to Mom and Dad and let us spoil our only child.”
“That’d be okay with you guys?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
“More than okay, honey. I think Dad and I need your gift for uplifting souls,” she said, smiling at me. “Plus, it’ll be fun,” she added. Mom squeezed my cheek. “And I can fatten you up a bit.”
“I don’t have a job here though,” I reminded her.
“I think your dear old mom and dad can afford you for a couple of months, silly, but why not go back to the hotel in Virginia Beach for the summer? Nothing too stressful. It’ll get you out and interacting with folks again.”
I pursed my lips, giving thought to her idea. I’d met Perry at the hotel after David died, pulling me out of a slump then. Maybe it could work again?
“Thanks, Mom. I love you and I’m gonna do exactly that.”
“Then it’s settled. You’ll stay here for the summer,” she stated. “I like that a lot and so will Dad.”
I stood and pulled Mom to her feet, where I hugged her tightly. “I’m gonna walk on the beach,” I said. “Gather my thoughts.”
“Say hi to David and Jack for me,” she said, smiling.
“How’d you know?” I asked, amazed at how in tune my mother was with my spirit.
“Because that’s where you always start a new journey,” she began. “Saying goodbye to your past and moving forward. I’m excited for you, son.”
I turned away from her and stared into the distance. The white-tipped waves crashed onto the sand, repeating the cycle over and over for millennia. That’s what I loved about the beach and the waves. Nothing stopped their forceful path. They were relentless. So was I, and it was time to get back to being me.
“I’m excited for me too, Mom.”
CHAPTER TWO: Cole
My apartment had sold at full list price, so I had no excuse to be disappointed about moving. Yet, here I was, miserable as fuck, and dreading losing the last thing that tied me to the love of my life. I’d bought Alan, my ex, out, and he’d moved on with his new partner. A man he’d met and married within six months after putting off marriage to me for seven years.
That breakup was nearly two years ago come Christmas, and I was still single. Everything about our apartment reminded me of Alan, and maybe that was why I stayed. I figured he could move on and I could stay and wallow in my sadness. And maybe, just maybe, if he came back to me, we’d still have our home. Looking back, that was probably a poor choice as things turned out. My life was in a deep rut and things weren’t improving on any front.
I’d finally decided to make some big changes. First was the sale of my home in New York City. Second was to relocate out of the city and to a place less crowded and perhaps a bit quieter. At thirty-seven, I had no social life. I didn’t go out to clubs or restaurant openings. I didn’t spend hours on social media with friends and family or swiping my way through dick pics on Grindr. A date, a man, or even a hard cock, hadn’t held my interest in two years. Naturally, I was still single as I continually ignored the world around me.
Today’s final walkthrough would be the last time I’d be in this apartment. After two years without Alan, all I saw was Alan as I walked room by room, making sure I had everything. The movers had removed all the furniture and boxed items, loading it all and shipping them to the new house.
I turned the corner and came to my last stop before exiting one last time, the kitchen. There was a box on the island with a note attached. The note was from a random mover named Chuck, and it read that they had found the box under the bed in the master suite. I must have forgotten I’d stored it there.
I didn’t have to open the cardboard box to know what was in it, but did so anyway. I stored the box under the bed after Alan left me for his boss. All of our early love notes, cards, and romantic written communication were kept inside. Occasionally, after he’d left, I’d drag the box from under the bed whenever I was feeling especially pathetic and would reread the cards and love notes. Doing so wasn’t helping me move on, but the temptation was always too much. Perhaps rereading them gave validation to what we’d shared together.
