AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I turned to face him, my eyes searching for an anchor as I was about to jump off the ship of anxiety and into a deep abyss. “I’m falling in love with you.”
He studied my face as my nervous system caught up to my beating heart. His eyes, the most brilliant color of robin’s egg blue, the eyes that one could be lost in forever, locked onto mine. Instinctually, I ran my finger over my opposing wrist and pressed, searching for a pulse, testing my ability to withstand his gaze. The next words he spoke could destroy me from within, but I was desperate for the verdict, no matter the results.
“You say falling, but have you landed there yet?”
I nodded. “I think so,” I admitted.
“What makes you think you love me?” he inquired. “I’m not passing judgment. I’m just curious.”
I dragged the back of my hand across my mouth and let out a held breath. “Wow!” I exclaimed. “That’s a powerful question, Chad.”
I leaned back against the island and Chad lifted himself up and onto the opposite counter, sitting there and gazing at me. “Try to share your thoughts if you’re willing.”
I looked away to gather my thoughts, raking a hand through my hair as I asked myself the same damn question. Why did I think that?
“I moved here,” I began, clearing my throat and trying hard to control my emotions. “Well… honestly, I wasn’t hopeful that a change of scenery would make a bit of difference, you know, beforehand. And I’d been hiding under a blanket of denial for a couple of years when I showed up here. Truthfully, I was desperate enough to spend eight million dollars so I could stare at different walls, knowing deep inside that I was just relocating my misery.”
“Has the move helped?” Chad asked. “I mean, being away from the city?”
I shook my head. “No. Not really. The move itself made no difference to my mood. That was you, Chad.” I said. “You are the reason I feel differently. You opened my eyes to the fact that I had shut down all of my emotions. I couldn’t see a world where I could ever be happy again until I showed up here and met you.”
Chad’s eyes released tears as he listened to me. He made no effort to stop them as they slid down his face. “That’s a lot, Cole. You know, to hear.”
“But it’s true,” I replied. “I was so convinced that I’d lost my one and only chance to feel like this again that I’d given in to the doubts in my head.”
“The ones that say love is impossible?” he asked. “Or, that love is too hard?”
I smiled. “Those are the ones,” I said. “Do you know what I did this morning while you were still asleep?” I asked. “What I did when I came down to turn the coffee maker on?”
“No. Tell me.”
“I watched a sunrise,” I said. “No, wait a second. That’s not quite correct. I saw a sunrise,” I amended. “I actually saw a sunrise with my eyes and I appreciated the majestic beauty of it.”
“Like recognized your place here in our world?” he asked.
I pointed at him. “Exactly!” I answered. “Exactly that. Just like you just said, and in the only way you could say it, Chad. I saw it like you would have seen it.”
“It’d been a while?” he asked.
“Oh yes,” I admitted. “A long… long while I’m sorry to admit.”
“That is an incredible thing to admit, Cole. And you actually thought of me?” he asked. I nodded as my eyes filled.
The pain I’d just released with such a simple admission was overwhelming. The reality that he could be responsible for me opening my eyes to the world around me and helping me take a break from beating myself up was nothing short of a miracle.
“You,” I whispered. “You did that,” I choked. “I was lost in my hurt and somehow you managed to wake me up, Chad. Just being around you makes me want to feel something finally.”
“So that’s why you think you’re falling in love with me?”
“Yeah,” I stated. “I want to feel like that every day. You offered me a miracle.”
“That’s how I feel about love, too,” he said. “All love is a miracle. Even when it hurts.”
“I would’ve doubted you about that two months ago,” I admitted. “The part about even when it hurts.”
He jumped from the counter and stood before me. “How about now?”
“You’re right. Even the hurt of my past love is a miracle.”
