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Nate’s attention returned to him. “A little more than friends. But hey, you know all about what that’s like, right?”
He must have meant Ewan. Channon supposed it was similar, though in others completely different. “That first time you came over, and you and Jack, um.”
Shared him. They’d shared Channon between them. It had been the first time Channon had been with someone who wasn’t Jack, and he’d liked the way it felt. Dirty. But in the good way. And Nate had been nice to him. Nate had never used it against him, had always stayed within the boundaries of this whatever it was they were doing.
What exactly were they doing?
Channon tried to form the question, but it wouldn’t come together in a way that made sense. In the end he asked, “Is there a word for when a couple kind of dates another couple?”
Nate’s eyebrows went up. “Consensual non-monogamy? Swinging? Poly?”
“I meant, more like how it is with me and Jack, and you and Ewan. Like, Ewan says you two don’t play with anyone but us. It’s kind of…exclusive.”
This seemed to amuse Nate. “You and Jack aren’t exclusive, though. Weren’t you dating someone not that long ago?”
Channon’s face grew warm. “That wasn’t, um. I mean, it wasn’t romantic or anything. It was just sex.” And really, that had been why it ended. Because Victor had wanted more than sex, and Channon hadn’t been able to give it to him.
“Isn’t it just sex when Jack invites me over to fuck you?” Nate said, low enough that no one could overhear.
“Yeah, but it’s different. I don’t know how. It’s just not like it is with other people.” Channon looked down at his food, trying to put this huge thing into words. “You two feel like part of us. Victor was just for me.”
“Victor?” Nate leaned in, grinning wickedly. “Wait. You were dating Victor Ruiz?”
Oh god. “I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone,” Channon said quickly. “Please don’t—”
“I won’t say anything. No, I’m just…wow. Jack said you were topping someone, but I never imagined it would be Victor.” Nate leaned back in his chair. “He’s hot. Nice one.”
Channon felt his face getting pink. “I like him. But not like that.”
There was a moment of silence as Nate looked Channon over like he was puzzling something out. “You don’t like me ‘like that’ either,” he said eventually.
“I don’t know,” Channon said, frustrated and unable to put this into words. “I don’t want things to change. I don’t want you and Ewan to stop coming over for stuff just because Jack and I get married. I want…”
But he trailed off because he wasn’t sure what it was he wanted.
“You want to keep playing with us,” Nate said calmly. His expression was even, unreadable. “You want to have your cake and eat it too.”
Channon blinked. That phrase had always sounded as if the person having the cake was being unreasonable and selfish, and now he wondered. “Is that greedy? Jack said things didn’t have to change after the wedding.”
“Jack also wants to have his cake and eat it too,” Nate said with a faint smile. “I’m being unfair, but Jack, well. Jack likes to have things his own way and rarely takes other people’s feelings into account.” Nate gestured with his glass. “Like Ewan’s, for example. How do you think Ewan would like being in some kind of kink quadrangle with Jack?”
Channon thought privately that Ewan already was. “Didn’t he have fun last time?”
Nate gave Channon a wry look. “Angel, Ewan was only there for you. He would have put up with anything to get your hands on him.”
It made Channon feel strange. On the one hand, he was disappointed. The idea of some kind of arrangement where Nate and Ewan were still part of their play seemed slippery and impossible to hold on to. But on the other, it was flattering to think that Ewan had been really that into the idea of Channon fucking him.
The thought occurred to him that it might be weird to think these sorts of things about your friends, and Channon hunched his shoulders. “I think I might be some kind of pervert,” he said, embarrassed to admit it.
Nate laughed but not unkindly. “Well, you’re in good company. Look,” he said, his eyes crinkling in a way that only highlighted how handsome he was. “I get that you don’t want things to change, but you’re getting married. That just changes some things. That’s the point.” His tone softened. “Maybe we’ll get together sometimes and have a little fun, but I wouldn’t hold your breath on Ewan discovering some sudden urge to let Jack work him over. They’re like oil and water. They don’t mix. Be satisfied when they tolerate one another, okay?”
It was not at all satisfying. Channon didn’t like the idea that his two favorite people could both like him but not each other. And sure, maybe it was naïve to think everyone could just get along, but that didn’t stop him wanting it anyway.
Chapter Five
“Tell me about Gary,” Jack said, watching Ewan carefully.
Ewan snorted. “He used to beat me up for fun. I liked it. What’s to tell?”
