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Gray smiled. Jack always loved feeling what they’d done for days afterward. When Gray was done caring for Jack’s ass, he forced himself to stand. Otherwise they’d all end up sleeping on the floor, never having eaten dinner.
He held out his hand to Mason, who was nowhere near as out of it as Jack. Gray pulled Mason to his feet and gave him another water. “Are you up to reheating the lasagna?”
He nodded. “Jack kept it in the oven on warm, so it won’t take long.”
Gray looked down at Jack, who’d curled on his side with a goofy grin on his face, and realized how much he’d been taking the two of them for granted. “I…”
“What’s wrong?” Mason asked.
Gray shook his head, afraid he’d get overly emotional if he said anything else. “Nothing. Just… tired.”
Mason snorted. “I should think so.”
He slapped Mason’s ass. “Go get dinner.”
“Yes, sir.” His tone was mocking now, nothing like the soft-voiced submissive he’d just been. Gray was so lucky to have found men who enjoyed surrendering to him in bed but were equals elsewhere. They were exactly what he needed.
He knelt next to Jack. “Baby, you need to eat before you fall asleep. I’m going to help you up, okay?”
“Mmmm.”
“Jack.” He laid a hand on his shoulder.
“’M fine.”
“Are you sure?” Had he gone too far?
“Gray, I wanted this. I didn’t want you to stop.”
Gray didn’t usually second-guess himself so much, but lately work had him feeling incompetent. He might still look like he had it all together, but that was an act.
Mason stepped back into the room. Had he sensed that Gray was about to have a meltdown or was he just wondering what was taking so long?
“Gray, I could feel how much you wanted us all to have what we needed,” he said. “I’m sure Jack could too. It’s been too long. I… We…” Mason glanced at Jack. “We were worried that… You hadn’t seemed…”
“I love you,” Gray said. He should say more, but he didn’t know how. And he was afraid if he did, he might lose it completely, let all his walls fall. After what they’d just done, Jack and Mason needed him to be strong. They needed him to care for them.
He helped Jack to his feet. “Come on, let’s have dinner.”
Jack glanced at Mason again. Gray knew they were silently communicating about him and he fucking hated it.
“If you need to talk to us—about your cases, Benson’s trial, the press conference, anything else—you will right?” Mason asked.
Gray knew that no matter how fucking much he hated it. If he held things in, it not only affected him, but also his relationship with Jack and Mason. But they were okay for now, weren’t they? They’d all just pleasured each other half to death. Jack assured him he hadn’t crossed a line. Right now, that was enough. He didn’t want to fucking talk about Benson and his shit, Russell making him the big gay poster boy for the department, or a young girl whose brutal murder was being dismissed because she made a living with her body. “I don’t want to think about anything. I just want to eat and get some sleep.”
“Okay, but later, tomorrow, next week, anytime, you know you can talk to us, right?” Jack asked, seeming more with it now.
“Yeah, I know.” And he did. They would listen. They wouldn’t patronize him or dismiss his concerns. But he’d rather ignore it, because forcing himself to get the words out, to admit all the things that were making him feel like an incompetent mess rather than the sexy in-control Dom they wanted, was too painful.
Mason served them lasagna. Jack had to eat his standing up, which earned him a good deal of teasing from Mason. By the time they finished, Gray felt lighter, less awkward. He pulled both his lovers to him and held them, breathing in their scents: sweat, sex, lasagna, and something unique to each of them. Fucking them was amazing, but just holding them was damn good too.
“Shower, then bed,” he ordered.
“Bossy,” Jack accused.
“Damn right.”
If they hadn’t all been exhausted, the shower could have turned into much more than simply a way to get clean, but as it was, they were quick and efficient. Gray applied more salve to Jack’s ass and then sent them to bed while he hung up the towels and brushed his teeth.
