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“You’re guessing correctly,” I said. “I’m starting to think there isn’t anything more to dating.”
“How so?” he asked. He was avoiding my question, but I let him off the hook for now.
I drank a little more before speaking. “Relationships aren’t really about love, right? They’re about your tolerance levels. You can have a long, happy marriage if you can put up with the other person for fifty years.” I lifted a knowing finger and realized I was drunk. “Trust me on this.”
Tyler threw his head back and laughed out loud. When he was done, he grabbed my shoulder with his free hand and scooted closer. “So, we’re just putting up with each other, too?”
“Nah,” I drawled. “That’s different. We’re not a couple. There’s no nasty stuff like jealousy. The rules are different. We can’t cheat on each other.”
He snorted. “Try playing soccer with some himbo and I’ll break your arms.”
That drew a laugh from me. “You know what I mean.”
“I hear you,” Ty said. “But it doesn’t matter. You’re saying that because you’re hurt.” A tiny bit of a slur in his words alerted me that he was tipsy, too. “If two friends can have this bond, why couldn’t a couple? Couples should have a stronger one, right? How else do they live their whole lives, raising families, buying homes, arranging dates?”
“I just told you,” I said. “They have a high tolerance level for bullshit. One wants to eat Chinese, the other wants Mexican. One loses. The loser has to shrug and go along with it or the whole thing falls apart.” I shook my head in mild disgust at how the entire system functioned. “I could still be in a relationship if I could make myself move on. But I can’t.”
“With all due respect — and I only say this because I love you — that is a load of bullshit,” Tyler said cheerfully. “Relationships aren’t a boxing match. Though they can feel like it sometimes.” He muttered the last part, then continued in his normal tone. “The point is, it should be nice for everyone most of the time.”
I was silent for a short while. It was hard to look into his bright, brown eyes. “So it’s nice most of the time for you and Courtney?” I asked in a somber tone.
Tyler shrugged. “I dunno. We’re doing alright.”
Finally, I found the strength to look up. Some of the sparkling brightness had gone out of his eyes. “I’m in the way, Ty.”
He shook his head. “You’re so wrong, Sebastian.” His hand was still on my shoulder, squeezing a little. “We made a pact, you and I. Remember?”
Always each other’s firsts. But that was a childish thing. We hadn’t known what it was like to grow up and discover we had too little time for anything other than the bare minimum we needed to do. College, hockey, relationships, teammates, friendships… It was all too much.
“I never changed my mind, Sebastian,” he said.
Had I? I couldn’t think clearly. My heart was speeding up with the weight of his words. Was I really that important to him? Be it my general bad mood or the hurt of getting cheated on, I couldn’t see myself as anything other than an obstacle.
“To answer your questions,” Tyler said, squirming and ending up a few inches closer to me. We faced each other on the sofa and I could smell the woody scent of his cologne. It accompanied every hug I had ever gotten from him. “I do believe in soulmates, but I think people get it wrong. It’s got nothing to do with who you date or sleep with. Some people are just a perfect match. They fit you like a puzzle piece. They know you as well as you know yourself. If it’s someone you’re attracted to, great. If not, still great. An old widower feeding pigeons in the park and a college student on the verge of dropping out and in need of some wisdom becoming friends? That’s what I’m talking about. Two enemies overcoming the constraints of sexuality and their struggle for the captaincy? Soulmates. Best friends born on the same street in the same month and never giving up on each other?” He nodded.
Us.
We were each other’s halves. We were one whole thing when we were together.
As if by instinct or premonition, I licked my lips. My cheeks were growing hotter as I blinked and focused on his eyes.
“Breakups happen,” he said. “And relationships come and go. But we stay. And you’re never in the way, Sebastian.” Something dark was rising in his eyes. Some deep sorrow that I could feel before I saw it. His lips quivered and he shook his head. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“I’m here,” I whispered. Some long-buried fear of losing him revealed itself. He needed to know he wouldn’t be alone. He had done so much for me and I wanted to return so many favors. Fueled by this fear, I groped for him and touched his upper arm.
Tyler’s gaze flickered from my torso to my eyes. He held his breath when I touched him. He swallowed, a worried frown creasing his forehead. But in the next instant, he was moving toward me.
I had no time to think. I didn’t consider all the implications. I didn’t even realize it would happen until the moment it happened.
Tyler’s lips ghosted over mine in a gentle, quiet collision that could wreck lives. His warmth was incredible and the softness of his lips welcoming. My mouth was closed in surprise while he pressed his lips closer, making my heart skip once and thunder endlessly.
Something like fury roared through me. It took control of my limbs. It dictated my actions for me. It injected adrenaline into my bloodstream. But I was wrong. It wasn’t at all like that. I wasn’t furious. The hot, suffocating sensation that erupted in my chest bore no trace of negativity.
I found that the hand I used to hold onto his arm was tensing, gripping his swollen bicep and pulling him closer. My mouth. The thought crossed my mind in a flash. My mouth was closed. What if I…?
My lips parted a little, fitting perfectly against his, and the kiss felt infinitely better. It felt right. As though I had spent all my life in semi-darkness and finally stumbled out of my cave into the light, I discovered how obvious and inevitable it was. Who else would know the precise combination of pressure and movement that made my ideal kiss? Who else would run their fingers through the hair on the back of my head in such a soothing way?
My body knew how right this felt. It knew all too well how much it needed it. With one kiss, he had gone through all of me, picking up the pieces of my shattered soul. He put them all together neatly like an archeologist who carefully brushed bits of an antique vase.
