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He almost smiled. Rolling his eyes, he lifted the canvas and turned it around.
Against a deep orange background, a smeared and smudged figure stood with his back turned to the viewer. It was blurry after the fall, but it was unmistakably a male figure, naked and with a mop of brown hair. “That’s me,” I said, the delight in my tone was genuine.
“Fuck, seems like dropping it helped.” Sebastian cocked his head to the side. “It still needs…” He waved his orange finger around the bottom of the canvas. It was only eight by eight inches, but it depicted the figure fully, and the guy in the picture was packing some nice ass, too.
“This is incredible,” I said in awe.
Sebastian shot me an angry glare. “It’s not incredible. It’s barely anything. At this rate, I’ll have to drop it ten more times before it’s close to alright.”
I barked out a laugh, then forced a serious expression back to my face. As I tossed the box of chocolate away from the stained sheet and the coloring palette, I focused on Sebastian. “Is this what upset you so much?”
He almost said yes, but stopped himself. He inhaled a deep breath and looked into my eyes.
“It’s more than just the painting, huh?” I asked. I wasn’t sure what I felt just then. Some sort of hopelessness that had filled him must have overflowed and spilled on me. I’d hoped we would have more time to figure it out. I’d hoped we’d talk about this later.
Sebastian shook his head. “I love being your boyfriend,” he said, his gaze dropping. “Everything we have done has been amazing, Ty. Everything. Kissing, blowing, touching, dating…” He licked his lips as my heart clenched. I feared his next words more than I feared anything. Some things I simply couldn’t fix with words. “So why can’t I take us further?”
I frowned a little. “It doesn’t work that way.” I wanted to take his hand in mine, but he was holding them both tightly together. “There aren’t any IOUs between us, Sebastian. We do what we want to do, right? What we both want. There’s no scoreboard saying who did what. Just feel it.”
“But what if we never…?” He shrugged and let the words trail away.
“Then we never,” I said. “I already love what we are and what we have now.” As I said the words, I knew they were true. I wanted us to find all the pleasure in one another. I wanted us to make each other happy and horny. I wanted to make him writhe under my hands and pant for air that was just short of enough, and I wanted him to never have enough of me, to always want more, to never be bored. But those things didn’t mean we had to fuck.
“And if we try it and don’t like it?” he asked, as worried as I had been all this time.
That was one question I didn’t know how to answer. So I shook my head. “It can’t be so bad that it tears us apart, right? We’re overthinking this.”
He seemed interested enough to follow my thoughts. He would accept it if I simplified these things.
“It’s just sex,” I said bravely, pretending I wasn’t just as terrified of the outcome. “What we’ll do is this: we will promise to tell each other what feels good and bad, okay? And we’ll just…stop. If it goes south.”
Sebastian slowly released his hands from one another and lifted his pinky. “I promise.”
It warmed my heart to see his brown pinky pointed at me like that. For such a big, buff guy, he was incredibly boyish. I found it charming beyond belief. Our pinkies locked together and we shook them, nodding.
“Now,” I suggested, “let’s try fixing my bubble butt on that painting.”
Sebastian laughed at last. He propped up the painting and played a tutorial he had been following. It took me a moment to be comfortable dunking a finger into the blob of paint and touching the canvas with it. Sebastian laughed again. “Don’t worry if you fuck it up. It can’t be much worse.”
I wondered what his thinking had been. We were still discreet and hiding this relationship, even after two trips to play games out of town and sneaking on dates in new locations. We kept this hidden from our teammates and our families. Yet Sebastian was painting my naked ass, presumably to display somewhere. It meant he was planning for us to be together long-term. And it meant that coming out was a probable outcome.
I glanced at him as he focused on dabbing his finger against the taut canvas, applying paint that added shadows to my broad back, making it appear more muscular than before. His eyebrows rose as the dimensions appeared on the canvas and my body looked less like a flat smear of paint and more like a young man’s physique.
“The best part about this,” he mused as we each applied paint all around the canvas slowly and quietly, almost like we were meditating. “I get to picture you naked.”
I bit my lower lip playfully until I couldn’t contain my silly grin. “If you want me to pose, all you have to do is ask.”
Thoughtlessly, Sebastian put his painted fingers on his chin. “That would help.”
It amused me so much to see the green stain on his chin. He had been busy adding grass. It was beginning to look like I was standing in a field, watching a fiery sunset.
It had been years since I’d last seen Sebastian mess around with canvas and paints. He’d had some talent, but he had never taken it too seriously. Our thing had always been hockey. It was good to see him dusting off his old skills.
I stood up after wiping my hands on an old towel, then shrugged my jacket off. Slowly, I undressed to my underwear. As I did so, I watched Sebastian’s pupils dilating. “It’s definitely inspiring,” he whispered.
I turned my back to him and looked at him over my shoulder, the rest of my body mimicking the pose on the canvas. One hand lifted the waistband of my tight briefs and pulled it down over the curve of my ass, making Sebastian hold his breath. “How’s this?” I asked softly.
“Perfect,” he whispered.
