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“Ah, maybe, I don’t know,” George said. “It’s more important that you boys have fun. We’re beyond enjoying things like lakes, right honey?” He chuckled, but I wondered if Mom felt the sting in his words just as much. Maybe more.
But I understood what Jordan’s game was. He was throwing off their scent. If he offered that, then it meant we had nothing to hide there. Which, of course, made sense to an innocent person who didn’t struggle to contain his guilt the way I did.
No. I was not guilty. The only thing I was guilty of was searching for a few moments of happiness. Could they deny me that? Could they judge me? Parents or not, I didn’t expect anyone just to shrug and not give me strange looks for my transgressions.
Growing up, I had been confident that my mother would accept my sexuality just fine. George’s opinion hadn’t mattered as much until his kindness touched me on the night I had come out. Even so, I had gotten familiar with that deep fear and the temptation to live as a liar, hiding in the shadows, denying myself to be who I was. I had known the fear of rejection even when nobody had given me a reason to expect it. I had known what it was like to be different since I was a little older than a child. Thinking back, even earlier, I had known I wasn’t like all the other boys. Even as lucky with my mom as I was, I hadn’t been totally confident that things wouldn’t change after coming out.
I had hated feeling it then. And I hated feeling it now. It was a different thing, yet it felt exactly the same.
Later, I followed Jordan away from the table with a ten-minute delay. He messed up my midnight plans by simply slipping into my room through the main door with a bottle of wine in his hand. “Had this in my backpack today,” he explained, waving the bottle.
“We didn’t drink it,” I said.
A small smile touched his lips. “We had better things to do.”
“And now we don’t?” I asked.
He gave me a pointed look. “They’re not mutually exclusive, baby boy. Today, I was in a hurry, and I forgot all about the wine. Now? We can take it easy.”
Shudders passed through me in several waves. His name for me, and his suggestions, and his powerful, towering stance. He was on his feet by my bed while I sat and looked up. “No glasses?” I pointed it out just to be cheeky.
Jordan snorted. “Do you mind sharing the bottle with me now?” he teased. “I thought we crossed that bridge when I had my dick in your mouth.”
My chest tightened. This guy didn’t care at all. He wasn’t loud, but he wasn’t quiet like a little mouse either. This Jordan was a risk-taker and it was an even bigger turn-on. “Right,” I said, my voice tight as my throat closed and air wheezed in and out of my lungs. “We can share the bottle.”
He’d pulled a corkscrew out from his pocket and my gaze remained on his crotch. The loose cotton shorts he wore seemed to be custom-made to draw my attention there. The curves over his big dick and balls were unmistakable. He acted like a real dude, as though he was the straightest guy on the planet. Since meeting him, the unattainable straight dude became my sole type. The only thing that made him hotter was the fact that I attained him in the end.
“Does it bother you that nobody knows you’re into guys?” I asked.
He was screwing the opener into the cork. He huffed like it took effort to do the job. “Bother? Nah. It’s nobody’s business.”
“We all say that,” I said. “But that’s not always true. I remember having that excuse so I wouldn’t have to come out.”
Jordan didn’t look at me. He was solely focused on the bottle, turning the screw into it slowly like it was hard work. “It’s nobody’s business, Ash.”
I liked it when he called me Ash. “But, like, your best friend? Your dad? They don’t know all of you.”
He looked at me now. “I’m not sure if you’ve been paying attention, but my best friend isn’t just having sex with a guy almost every day, they’re building a life together. And nobody knows all of anyone else.”
I shrugged. “I know all of you.”
The cork popped out of the bottle and Jordan sat beside me. As he handed me the bottle he asked, “Do you, though? You know I like you, but do you really know all of me?” I must have shown a hurt expression just the way I felt because he hurried to fix the situation. “Ash, it’s fine. People can spend a lifetime together and not know everything about the other person.”
I shrugged and tipped the bottle back, pouring some of the wine into my mouth. It was dry and nutty and possibly pretty pricey. “I want to know everything about the other person.”
Jordan hesitated and accepted the bottle in the time it took him to think about it. Then, as he looked between me and the bottle, he said, “Okay.” It was the softest, sweetest little sound that had come from his lips and I’d heard him moan until the sky shook. “Ask me.”
My heart skipped a beat or two. What do I do with this newfound power? I thought. Grinning, I pondered through the most essential questions. Then, pulling on my serious face, I cocked my head. “Alright. The obvious, first. How did you realize you were into guys?”
He looked me dead in the eyes. “I saw you shirtless on the pier.” And when he saw my shocked expression, he laughed. “I thought my heart would drop into my stomach. I thought I was about to faint. But that’s how I knew.”
“How old were you?” I asked, genuinely worried.
“Too old,” he said, shaking his head. “Your body was starting to shape up like this.” His hand gestured up and down the length of my body. “And I had gone through a really long period when no kind of porn interested me. I was sick of everything. And then, there you were, wet, sunbathing, cocky as fuck with your pretty face and nice, new muscles. You were so damn proud of yourself.” He took a swig from the bottle. “Your turn.”
I let out a breath. “Boys have been on my mind since I was born.”
Jordan laughed, to my surprise.
