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I inherited his olive skin, large muscular frame, and classic Greek looks but other than appearance, I’m his opposite. I’m more open. I tell you what I’m thinking. I’m happy-go-lucky till you piss me off then I’m more of an I’ll-cut-your-throat kinda guy. I can go from laughing over a beer to throwing fists at the drop of an ill-placed word.
Dad?
Stone-cold. Won’t say a word, you may not even know he’s mad at you till you feel the knife cut into you. When it comes to our father-son bond, it’s unbreakable. Unspoken that we’d die for one another.
But talking about dating, or love, or feelings? Especially since Mom died? You’d have more luck finding him getting a manicure at the in-house spa. Which would never happen.
I’ve not dated since my mom’s death. Haven’t wanted to be close to anyone. I’ve seen what heartbreak can do to a person. Not worth the risk. Having lost my mother, I’m living under a constant cloud of anger.
Tess, who lost a husband years ago, before she married Rockland, told me there are five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I’m stuck in anger. I feel like I’ll never make it to acceptance.
I know they worry about me.
"I just don't know how to let go and move on,” I say.
Rockland pats me on the shoulder in a gesture of understanding. "Letting go is hard, I get it. But if there's one thing this family has shown you, it's that life moves forward whether we like it or not. We have to find ways to make peace with what we can't change."
He takes a few steps away from me, looking out over the vast lake. The sun is setting now, the water shimmering in the last rays of its golden light.
"You'd be doing yourself a favor if you did settle down," he says after a few moments of silence. "It'd help center you and give you back some of the peace and joy that you’ve been missing since your mother passed away."
“Yeah.” I run my toe over the gravel, evening it out. “Maybe.”
He pauses again and then turns back toward me with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I don't mean to harp on it. I just ... care about you, Damian."
I nod in understanding. "Thanks for the advice, but why does my dad want to see me married?"
Rockland shrugs nonchalantly before replying. “He’s got his reasons," he says vaguely before changing the subject back to sports.
We continue talking as we make our way into the clubhouse, but my mind is still churning through what Rockland said about settling down and finding peace within myself once more.Dad used to laugh but I haven’t seen even a damn smile come to his lips since Mom died.
We don’t talk about what happened to her.
Hell, we don’t talk about her at all.
Too painful.
Could this be Dad’s way of bridging the gap between us, having Rockland be the middleman in getting me hitched?It doesn't seem likely, given our usual interactions...but maybe there’s something else behind all this that I'm not seeing yet?
After a beer, Rockland and I part ways, promising to get together again soon.
Savage is waiting on the front stoop of my Village row house when I return from golf, his face planted in the screen of his phone as he leans against my bright orange door.I painted it the day I flew in from Colorado, after the Broncos game.
He’s in town from the Hamlet for a few weeks, working on a mission.
If there is a threat to the family, we do everything in our power to neutralize that threat. Since I’m one of the lucky ones who was born into this family, I know all of our locations and this city like the back of my hand, having explored them as a child, under careful watch of guards, of course. My experience has prepared me perfectly to be the Planner, the man who takes on weekly assignments, plans them, then oversees their execution.
It's the job I wanted.
And the one that was given to Savage.
On his first mission ever, he conducted a killing spree, wiping out the top three men of an enemy family. It’s where everyone thinks he got his nickname, but I am one of only two people who know he received it much earlier in his life and how he got it.
We’re that tight.
Instead of being deemed the Planner, the family felt they would be best served if I used my extensive lifelong martial arts training to prepare new recruits for hand-to-hand combat. It’s a job I excel at, a job I love.
I still get a twinge of jealousy knowing Savage is out on the streets while I’m working from the gym.
