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We dance like that for three more dances. She looking up at me with stars in her eyes, smiling, so happy to be with me. “I love this,” she says. “The way this feels.”
Finally, I say, “So do I.”
When the song ends, she pulls away, offering me a smile of apology. “I need to get back to Fiona.” I watch her walk away, realizing I was wrong.
That dress of hers is the absolute perfect length.
Going back to the bar I sit with Hammer, cheers-ing him on the baby that’s soon to join his family. I keep an eye on the girls but they’re safe enough, having found the corner table where sweet vanilla cream birthday cake is being served. I laugh openly with the men, so free in my happiness.
Until Kitt returns to the dance floor.
Everything changes.
She’s dancing with Eamon. Innocently. The two of them a respectful distance away from each other, laughing at one another’s jokes as he teaches her the high-stepping moves.
Perfectly innocent.
And I’m fuming. Jealousy rages. Mistrust brews.
I’m thrown back to that night. The one that ruined me. Her glassy eyes. Then the next night when my father gasped for his last breath and I watched, not a single ounce of regret in my heart.
A monster.
Let’s be honest, my father’s abuse ruined me way before then. There’s something deeply troubled with me. Something that can never be fixed. She’s goodness and light. Just like Eamon.
It’s not the island I want Eamon away from. It’s me. And her too. I’m not good enough for either of them, too damaged by my past to be good enough for them.
What kind of man has the capacity to kill his own father?
Chapter Twenty-Three
Kitt
He’s quiet on the drive home. We both are. I take the silence as us contemplating the incredible energy that passed between us during that dance. At least I know I am. We stand in the living room, me peeling my boots off my aching feet, him loosening and removing his black tie.
I go to kiss him. He turns his face, my lips landing on his cheek. My warm, happy heart goes cold, sinking into my stomach. He’s just rejected my kiss. Pain rips through my chest. Tears instantly spring to my eyes.
It hurts so much.
“Bayne…”
“I’m tired.” He turns away from me. “I’m going to bed.”
Why is he rejecting me?
I won’t let him. Not like I did with my mom. I’m not going to just shrink away and disappear. It’s time to be brave. I think of one of the cheesy motivational posters I saw hanging on the wall at the Chronicle.
Trying to be brave is brave.
Here we go…
I grab his arm, stopping him from leaving the living room. “What is going on with you? We had a fantastic night. It was so much fun. And that dance we shared… I thought.” I shake my head. Be brave, Kitt. Say it. Tell him what you felt. “I thought we felt something for one another.”
He rubs a hand through his hair. “You’d be better off not thinking like that about me.”
“That’s not true.” He’s not getting off that easy.
He shakes his head. “You shouldn’t get any more involved with me.”
