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Stupid question. Because it was him, of all people, obviously.
When he answered, there was a tinge of strain in his voice, like he was trying his very hardest to not let my contrary attitude get to him.
“Jasmine, I’m the Daddy in this scenario and I have told you how things will go. You are not in charge here. The only thing you can control is whether or not you are going to be obedient and follow the rules.”
I really hated the way he was talking to me. While the lifestyle intrigued me, the idea and the act of giving up control had always terrified me. It was precisely the reason that Henry and I had only gone to the club to play, and why our play sessions had been few and far between. And of course, the fact that I was choosing to submit to anyone, but especially Bain, when I’d never been able to give that gift to my own husband was adding to the guilt and pain.
“’Obedience’. ‘Good girl’. I swear it feels like I’m a naughty puppy,” I said with a scowl.
Of course, Bain had a comeback. He always did. “I mean, if you want to explore being a naughty puppy, I can certainly take you there.”
I felt my body heat with embarrassment as I remembered the women I’d seen on all fours at the Penthouse, being led around on leashes. I was really going to have to watch what I said around this man. He had a tendency to use my words against me and make my stomach flip with nerves. “God no. The Daddy thing is about all I can handle, I think. I’m not even sure I can handle that yet.”
“Well you be sure to let me know if you change your mind,” he said with a smirk. “I’m flexible.”
Oh I bet you are.
I rolled my eyes. Our back and forth exchange was even more excruciating than what would follow. For my own sake, I needed to fall in line and stop dragging this out.
Bain seemed to have the same thought. “Now,” he said, clapping his hands together once, then rubbing them like he was some sort of evil genius about to reveal his plan for world domination, “I think the couch will be the best place for your first spanking.”
I could see the couch from where I stood in the kitchen and cringed. It was covered in random clothing, blankets, and papers. “I’ll need to clear it off first.”
Bain rubbed his chin, thoughtfully regarding both me and the furniture in question. “No, you’ll stand in the corner for a few minutes while I clear it off, and this will officially be the first rule. When I come over, this couch will be clear of anything that will get in the way of me spanking your naughty bottom if need be.”
I looked back and forth from him to the couch. The idea of standing in the corner was preposterous, but it was the thought of him cleaning up my mess that was really bothering me. “I can do it. It will just take a second.”
“Nope. You’ll say ‘yes Daddy’ or ‘yes Sir’ and find yourself a corner to stand in.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but the look in his eye told me it was a really bad idea. I was already facing my first spanking, and while he’d been immensely patient so far, I could tell that patience was wearing thin. Adding fuel to the fire just seemed like a really bad plan.
“Yes, Sir,” I grumbled, and looked around for the easiest access to a corner in my cramped space.
“Any corner will do,” Bain informed me unnecessarily.
I had so many snarky comments rolling around in my brain, but I managed to hold onto a thread of self-preservation and refrained from making them. I chose the furthest corner from the couch and went to it. Once I got there, though, I really had no idea what to do.
“Umm… is there like…” I waved my hand toward the corner, “a way I’m supposed to do this?” It seemed like a stupid question, and I certainly felt stupid asking it, but I was terrified of doing something wrong and being the hopeless imbecile who couldn’t even stand in a corner correctly.
If Bain found my question dumb, he didn’t let on as he recited straightforward instructions. “Step up to the wall and put your hands behind your back. You need to be close enough that the corner is all you see, but not actually touching. No leaning on the wall.”
I clenched my teeth and did as I was told. I thought about Nyla and Bas, and the stories she’d told me about their time together under a Rent-A-Daddy contract. I couldn’t picture her standing in a corner for anybody, least of all Bas, who’d been her very best friend prior to becoming her fiancé, but I knew that she had. Somehow that thought comforted me and made me feel slightly less ridiculous.
Bain walked up behind me, standing close enough to touch me, but without touching me, and spoke in a low tone. “When we know each other a little better, you’ll also be bare-bottomed while in that position, so be thankful that I’m taking it easy on you tonight.”
Bare-bottomed? He was going to make a threat like that and then… what? Did he want me to actually thank him? I wasn’t sure I could without sounding like a snarky bitch, because this situation sucked. Staying silent seemed to be my best option. Thankfully, he didn’t demand a response, and backed away. I could hear him moving around behind me, no doubt cleaning the clothes, toys, and papers off the couch. It really was embarrassing that he even had to do that. How had I let things get this bad?
I asked myself the question, but I knew the answer. It had happened over time, as a result of a lot of unfortunate events all clumped together. My pregnancy with Marcus had been high-risk and hellacious. I’d spent a lot of time in bed with barely enough energy to keep my kids and myself alive during the day while Henry was at work, which, as a junior associate, was all the time. My thirty-one-hour labor was just as hellacious as the pregnancy had been, and I ended up having an emergency C-section. Henry managed to work from home for a few weeks, and after that Gia would come and check on me and help out, but neither of them really did much to help around the house. Or maybe they did, and the two older kids undid it just as fast. That tended to be my experience.
Finally, I’d been healed enough to do things on my own, and I was rewarded with postpartum depression and a colicky baby to deal with, and then my life fell apart. Marcus had only been nine weeks old when Henry died. Obviously and understandably, losing my husband had blown my world up. Grief had been all-encompassing, and there had been days I couldn’t even get out of bed. My friends had stepped in to help for a while, as well as my mom and Henry’s, but eventually that had fizzled out, and I’d assured them I was fine. My life and kids were my responsibility, and I should’ve been able to manage. Only I hadn’t, not well. And now, here we were.
For the better part of a year, I’d faked making it while not making it at all, too prideful and decimated by Henry’s death to admit I still needed help, because I didn’t feel like I should. So I’d pretended everything was fine while pawning my kids off on Gia as often as possible under the guise of working more to make up Henry’s income. Most days, all I did was stare at a blank screen and cry. I was ashamed to admit that for a while I’d hated being with my kids because they were a walking, talking, ever-present reminder of everything I’d lost. It had taken Marlee crying in my arms, begging me to just let her stay home, for me to decide enough was enough. That was a year ago, and even though I’d gotten myself out of the worst of it, I was still buried under the aftereffects of that time.
“Come here, Jasmine.” Bain’s deep voice made me jump and I realized I had tears running down my cheeks from the miserable mental journey I’d just taken myself on. “Are you okay?” he asked, quirking his brow in concern.
“Yeah, I’m okay.” I swiped the tears away and mustered an obligatory explanation. “I just was thinking about the past, and I’m just so mad at myself for…all of it.” I motioned around the room at the mess, not wanting to give any further explanation. I wasn't ready to get that vulnerable.
He nodded, like he really understood. “Whatever happened, it didn’t happen overnight and it’s not going to be fixed with one spanking, but we will get you sorted and thriving again. You have my word.”
