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I yank on my hair as I pace in my room.
This is exactly why I was so keen on the contract. Even though Enzo and I couldn’t get pregnant, obviously, everything else was laid out in black and white. I knew what to expect. As did he. We knew the rules. It was all right there, written out.
A baby is messy.
A baby is a big fucking commitment. Worse than a damn relationship. How the hell am I going to deal with this? Is there anything scarier than making a fucking life and having the responsibility of taking care of it?
I’m stupid. So stupid. I should have made sure before I agreed to be with her. Granted, there’s a possibility it isn’t mine, but fuck.
Fuck!
There’s no point in signing the contract now. None whatsoever. If she’s pregnant with my kid, we won’t need one. I’ll be stuck here. I can’t leave a child alone, knowing it’s mine. That’s fucking horrible. It’s exactly what my father did to me. There’s no way in hell I’d do that to a child.
Which is my biggest issue. Obligation. I hate, more than anything in this world, feeling obligated to do something.
I know I shouldn’t have been so rude to her, but I’m a mess. More than they realize. How could I not be? This is the last thing in life I wanted. Ever.
I’m not surprised when there’s a knock on my door. Vincenzo isn’t one to let things go, and I know this is no different.
He lets himself in without a word from me, taking a seat in the armchair against the wall, across from my bed. He sits forward, folding his hands together and doesn’t say a word.
I like Jordan. I do. I don’t know her as well as I know Enzo, but I like her, and I really like her for Enzo. He isn’t like me. He needs someone, whether he thinks he does or not. She’s good for him, regardless of how she got here. They’re good together.
I like her, but I don’t like her enough to have a baby with her. Hell, I don’t like anyone enough to have a baby with them.
After a few moments of me pacing, stopping and staring at my wall, but feeling Enzo’s stare on me, I finally say, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so rude.”
“You’re right. But I’m sorry too. This is my fault.”
“It’s my fault,” I admit. “I should have asked.”
He shakes his head. “I overlooked it. I didn’t want this either. I mean, not that I didn’t want it, but I didn’t want it to happen now. Not like this. I didn’t make sure she had her pills when she came here. This is my fault, Rafael.”
“I still should have asked.”
“You don’t have to stay. Or if you do, he or she won’t have to know. No one has to know. This can be between us, and that’s that.”
I shake my head, holding his pity-filled stare. “I can’t do that.”
“So what? You want her to get an abortion?”
“No!” I bark at him. He raises a brow. “No, Vincenzo. Nothing like that. Jesus, I’m just processing all this.” I blink a few times and pace a little more. I don’t usually find myself in need of expelling energy like this, but I may end up in the gym tonight. “How long have you known?”
“For sure? Since last night. She told me she needed a test the other day, but I couldn’t listen to the results. It’s a lot, even for me.”
“Do you know how far along she is?”
“Not exactly, but I’m going to schedule an appointment with the doctor. And she agreed to do a paternity test pre-delivery. Unless you don’t want to know. None of us have to know, if you don’t want that.”
“I have to know,” I say, holding his gaze. I still feel crazy and absolutely out of control, but I at least know I want that much information. Wondering for the rest of my life will eat me alive from the inside out.
“Okay, I’ll set that up.”
“How is she doing with this?” I ask. Because I realize I haven’t asked that.
He gives me a small smile. “She’s freaking out. Keeps saying how gross she is because she’s pregnant and doesn’t know who the father is.”
I huff out a laugh. “Well, as much bullshit as that is, I am at least glad I’m not the only one panicking here.”
