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Another sob shook my shoulders. I pressed a fist to my mouth, but the sound bled through anyway, and when I squeezed my eyes shut, I could feel the phantom of Xavier’s warmth brushing my back.
It was worse than the cold because it wasn’t real; it was my mind conjuring things to torture me.
“Luna.”
I needed to get out of here. If I stayed here for a second longer, I’d either freeze to death or lose my mind, but I couldn’t bring myself to move.
It’s not him.It was a figment of my imagination, and—
Firm hands grasped my arms, turning me around, and there he was. Inky black hair falling carelessly over his forehead, full mouth sculpted with concern, eyes that carved a trail of warmth through my frozen tears as they examined me.
He was still holding me. His body heat seeped through my clothes, and another set of shivers rippled down my spine—this time from warmth, not the cold. Perhaps my mind could evoke sounds and images and sensations, but it couldn’t createthis: the total, all-encompassing peace that I felt only when I was with him.
Not a figment.He was real. I cried harder.
“Hey.” Alarm brightened his gaze. “It’s okay. Don’t cry.” He rubbed away one of my tears with a gentle thumb. “Shh. It’s okay.”
“I thought you’d left.” I hiccupped, embarrassed but too relieved to do anything about it.
Understanding dawned on Xavier’s face. “There was an old couple here earlier. One of them fell, so I helped them downstairs. I sent you a message in case you showed up while I was gone.”
“My phone died.” I hiccupped again. “I forgot to charge it.” “Ah.” Xavier’s voice hoarsened as he pulled me toward him.
“I’m here, Luna. I didn’t leave. I’m here.”
His words should’ve reassured me, but they threw the floodgates wider. I buried my face in his chest as years of pent-up emotion poured out.
Every fear, every frustration, every heartbreak. They’d waited a lifetime to break free, and once they did, they didn’t stop until every last drop of moisture had evaporated and I sagged against Xavier, emptied and exhausted.
Throughout it all, he held me, even when I ruined what was probably a very expensive sweater and made a general mess of myself.
“I’m sorry,” I said through a lingering sob. “I didn’t…when I…” I wasn’t the type for heartfelt speeches or flowery prose, and it was a testament to how well Xavier knew me that he didn’t need either of those things to understand what I was trying to say. “You don’t have to apologize. I know.” His arms tightened around me. “All that matters is you’re here.”
I lifted my head, my heart aching as I looked at the man who’d always been there for me, in one way or another, since he entered my life.
“I love you,” I said quietly. I’d said the words before, many years ago, but this time they felt different. This time, they felt right. “I’m sorry it took me so long to admit it, and I’m sorry for pushing you away. I just…” My voice dropped even lower. “I’m scared.”
I liked structure and routine. My life was built around the safe harbor I’d constructed for myself since I broke up with Bentley, and what Xavier and I had was completely uncharted waters. They could either take us to the greatest place we’d ever seen or toss us over a hundred-foot cliff with no life raft.
“I am too, but that’s what makes this worth it.” He pushed a stray lock of hair out of my eyes, his touch impossibly tender. “Life would be pretty boring if we knew what was going to happen every day.”
I sniffled. “Actually, that sounds wonderful. I would love that.”
“Well, you color coordinate your office supplies, so I’m not surprised.”
My watery laugh chased away some of the heaviness. “Smartass.”
“I’m guessing that’s one of the things you love about me.” Xavier gave me one of those crooked, dimpled smiles I loathed and adored so much. “And your dedication to making sure your green highlighters arealwayslined up to the left of the blue ones is one of the things I love about you.” He dipped his head, pressing his forehead against mine. “Love isn’t about perfection, Luna; it’s about imperfect people creating their own version of happily ever after. And while I don’t know everything, I do know this: Every version of my happily ever after will always include some version of you.”
Fresh tears welled in my throat.Oh, God.I’d spent twentysomething years unable to cry, and now I couldn’t stop.
Xavier leaned in to kiss me, but I pulled back in an uncharacteristic bout of self-consciousness. “You don’t want to kiss me right now. I’m a mess.”
I purposely avoided looking at my reflection in a nearby glass pane, but I knew what I’d find—swollen eyes, red nose, mascara tracks running down my face and hair matted with sweat. Not exactly kissing material.
Xavier framed my face with his hands, stilling me. “I always want to kiss you, and you’re perfect exactly the way you are.”
If he were anyone else, I wouldn’t have believed him, but when his mouth touched mine, every other thought melted away. The wind, the half-dried tears, the fucking journey I took tonight to get here…none of that mattered as I twined my fingers through his hair and returned his kiss with abandon.
