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Chapter 8
Luca wouldn't let Teagan fill the gas can or put it in the trunk. He filled her car with gas as she sat in his nice, warm one.
It was an odd feeling for Teagan. She had been independent her entire life. Never really having parents who cared enough to nurture her, she had found her own path. She was responsible to no one but herself. It was unnerving how Luca took care of her, did things for her that she could do herself. It would really upset her if she thought he did it because she was incapable; she knew better, though.
He was more than aware of her strengths; he continuously made that clear. Before he filled the gas can, he held up his hand to prevent her protest and reassured her, "I know you can do this, but I want to do it. Let me take care of you."
The words hit her like a punch in the gut. Let me take care of you. No one had ever taken care of her. It was hard to allow it now.
"Brr, it's cold out there. I think the coldest day yet; it might take a minute for your car to defrost. I've scraped all the ice off of the windows," Luca said, getting into the car.
"Thank you. It's like an oven in here. You'll defrost yourself quickly," Teagan responded. Luca removed his gloves and held his hands up in front of the vents. After a moment, he turned to Teagan. He took her hand and traced his thumb across the small semicolon tattoo on the inside of her right wrist.
"Is this your only tattoo?"
"It is indeed."
"Surprising choice. Do you have a secret writing habit I don't know about? I know, you write under a pen name. Is that it?"
"Ha. Me? I don't even like writing my reports for work. Reading, sure. Writing, not my thing."
"Then?" The question was clear in Luca's tone. He wanted to know why she had chosen a semicolon.
"You've never heard of Project Semicolon, I take it?"
"No, I can't say I have. Why don't you tell me?" Luca asked.
Teagan studied his face. He was asking because he genuinely was interested, not as small talk or to pass the time while her car warmed up. She was beginning to believe that he did care, or at least, he was convinced he did. That was the way of the world, her world, her experiences. Men came, thought they fell in love with her, realized they didn't really love her after all and then, like every adult in her childhood, would abandon her. She hoped upon hope that Luca was different, but part of her wondered if she was simply unlovable and that was her lot in life.
"Teagan?" Luca questioned, pulling her from her thoughts.
"Project Semicolon is a suicide prevention and awareness organization. The semicolon represents the fact that your story isn't over yet. In grammar, a semicolon is an indicator of a pronounced pause. It reminds me when things are rough, to take a pause, that this, too, will pass, and not jump off a bridge that there is no coming back from."
"You've had a hard life."
"So, I keep being told. But, in reality, it's not that bad. I mean, what I went through as a child pales to the type of evil I see in my job every day. Sure, there were traumas that I wouldn't wish on anyone, but I survived, and some would even say I thrived. I broke the statistical barricades by sheer will and stubbornness. I was told time and time again what I couldn't do. I couldn't graduate high school. I couldn't succeed in life. I couldn't overcome my past. I said, 'Screw you. Not only will I, but I will do it better than anyone else.' I was valedictorian of my high school class, first in my police academy. Earned my master's degree in half the time, worked my butt off with double the courses. When life would get tough, another Thanksgiving, pulling a double shift before eating a microwaved frozen TV dinner alone on the couch, I would see my tattoo, and it would help some. I mean, I've cried enough tears to fill an ocean but…" Teagan paused, looking out the window.
Luca watched her, saying nothing. He just listened. It was odd to have someone listen to her and feel like they were listening to hear what she was saying instead of listening to respond. He was taking an interest in her feelings, something she could honestly say no man had done before. She was used to a lot of, "uh huhs" and platitudes. In fact, she hadn't gotten this deep with a man before.
"I've never been so deep into the dark that I've taken that step. I've thought about it, once I went as far as to plan it, but I've never gone through with it or even attempted. I think my work helps some. I volunteer with abused and neglected kids. Kids who look up to me and think, if Teagan can do it, so can I. It's different when they have someone who has been where they are, to aspire to. I can't let them down."
"Thank you for sharing that with me, Teagan." Luca continued to hold her hand. "I hope you know that you matter and that the world is a brighter place with you in it. I understand that dark place. After returning from war, I struggled, too. Sometimes, the choices I had to make, the split-second decision between keeping my life and causing someone else's death, well, we all live with the consequences of our actions. It might have been the right thing to do in the situation, and I would make the same decision again, but the dead, they haunt me. I've lost many a brother to their own hand when those memories have been too much for them to bear. I guess, what I am saying, is I can relate."
The silence in the car after wasn't awkward. Two people sat side by side, growing in their relationship without even knowing it.
"We have more in common than I thought," Teagan joked.
"I wish it wasn't this. I'd give anything to take away all your pain," Luca said, and Teagan believed him.
* * *
Chinese food was spread out across the table. Teagan didn't know what her sisters liked; they were still getting to know each other. She wasn't about to assume that they liked the same foods she did as she had been proven wrong several times.
"There's enough food here for an army, or at least to feed the guys at S.E.A.L.!" Ro said, arriving first.
"I didn't know what you and Evie liked, so I got a mix. Rice and noodles, egg rolls, Crab Rangoon, beef and broccoli, sesame chicken and Chinese BBQ pork."
"You provided an entire buffet!" Evie laughed, coming into the room. A minute later, they sat at the table eating.
