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He took a couple of minutes trying to count, attempting to breathe, anything to make the nightmare fade.
“Colin?” Olivia called out, her soft voice bleeding through the door. She tapped two times on the door quietly before cracking the door open slightly. “Can I help? Are you ok?” she cautiously poked her head in, and he noticed she’d put a silky robe on.
His head turned slightly as she shimmied her way through the crack in the door, her gaze meeting his hesitantly. Her face was tight with concern.
Oh, baby. What’s wrong, what’s going on with you? Olivia thought sadly. Her eyes taking in his ragged features.
“No, go back to sleep,” Colin said hoarsely, turning back to his reflection in the mirror. His shoulders were tight, and he was struggling to get it under control this time. Not like the other times when he could will himself to calm down.
She ignored him, inching her way over to him, and put a hesitant hand out. His haunted, empty eyes found hers in the mirror.
“If you touch me, I’m adding six months onto our agreed time,” he bit out harshly, his whole body tensing up as Olivia got closer.
I’m in too deep. It doesn’t matter. Did it ever matter? You won’t want me when you find out. Time won’t mean anything then. None of this will because you’ll hate me for what I used to be, Olivia advanced slowly. Wishing she could tell him.
Tears pricked the back of his eyes as she inched closer to him despite his threat, her green eyes turning dark with worry. He groaned and closed his eyes at the first touch of her fingers on his shoulder. She leaned in and placed her lips on his skin next to her fingers as his body suddenly wracked with tears.
Colin reached out and snatched her to him desperately. His arms banded around her almost painfully as he gripped her, his arms wrapped around her back and clutched at her ribcage. Burying his head in her neck he suddenly hauled her up on the vanity, getting a welcome hint of the hard sex that they shared, still on her skin.
He placed Olivia down harshly, the items there clattering loudly as they fell to the side. She wrapped her arms and legs around him tightly, ignoring the burn in her thighs for being held open for hours. Olivia’s fingers stroked his hair and the back of his neck. She ignored how hard he was squeezing her and shushed him gently, rocking him, also ignoring the twinge of pain at that simple movement.
She stared unseeing at the ceiling of the bathroom; her mind searched for a way to calm him.
“There once was a fierce and rather handsome gentleman named Richard Todd,” she began softly. Sweeping her hand in broad strokes down his back, her other hand still cupping and squeezing the back of his neck. “Who broke away from his fellow noblemen and joined a band of merry foresters who were outlaws.”
His shudders started subsiding, and his heart rate slowed down against her breast, the fog finally lifting. Her body and her voice enveloped him into a soft, safe cocoon. She worked to open her robe to press her naked skin against his, wrapping her arms around him once more.
“He worked with the thieves to take the money back from the evil men who stole from the people in their land, and so they named him Robin Hood. The giver of thieves,” she kept her voice calm. She struggled with not remembering much of the story but trying so hard for this man. Not even caring in that moment if he thought she was silly for ad libbing a children’s story.
She continued with the tale. Making up an elaborate tale of sword fighting with sheriffs and close calls with bandits, her hands caressing him tirelessly the whole time. She used funny voices and even mimicked animal sounds to surprise him and try to get him to laugh. Which he did once.
After a bit, he picked her up with her still wrapped around him and carried her back to bed. Where she climbed on top of him and kissed him sweetly, running her hands along his body and rocked him back to sleep. His nightmare was firmly and decidedly dissipating.
Poison=Love Confessions
The next morning Olivia opened her eyes to her birth control, two painkillers, and a warmed cup of coffee. Colin was not in bed with her. She looked over at his pillow and saw he’d written her a note. She picked it up slowly, pushing her hair behind her ear as she sat up.
Any thought she had about waking up with him after last night and discussing his nightmare dissipated in a flurry of disappointment. Was he even going to talk about it with her? Looking down she read the note quietly to herself.
Olivia,
Take your medicine, take a bath, and relax. I’m in the downstairs study handling a couple last-minute work-related things before break.
Colin
Colin had written the note hastily, knowing his words were true. But it was also the truth that Colin needed to call his doctor's office and get a slightly higher dose of his anxiety medicine. Knowing to get a handle on it so Olivia didn’t have to worry if he was losing his mind or not. If he was in control or not.
Olivia whimpered as she swung her legs over the side of the bed. The heavy, hurt feeling settling deep into her bones and giving her that exhausted feeling she missed when she worked herself to death every month for Allison’s medical expenses.
Olivia arched her head back, taking pleasure in the feeling and reveling in the soreness. She thought about her sudden epiphany last night, however; she was still unsure of her feelings around identifying as a masochist.
Doesn’t that make me just like my clients? she wondered.
A fresh wave of confusion and insecurity broke over her consciousness. She just didn’t feel like she related to the men that she beat. And because she wasn’t disclosing that piece of information about her life to Colin, the one person that could probably help her, couldn’t. She bit her lip, sighing as she sank into a melancholy state.
Sinking into the bath, her hand flew up to her throat gently as she recounted the events from last night. She remembered how helpless she felt as she was strapped to the wall by her neck, and how freeing it felt that she’d been forced to give up control. Thinking about all the other times she and Colin had been together, comparing the ones where he’d taken her relatively regularly, versus when he’d stepped in with his dominant side.
She admitted to herself that the feeling she had after he was particularly vicious with her was definitely more satisfying. And she still couldn’t force herself to pick which she liked best. All were sides of Colin, and she cherished each one. Her brain easily turned that thought over and tucked it away somewhere remote where she stored all the things she didn’t want to inspect too closely.
