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Olivia often snuck off to the basement, finding a secluded closet where she curled up on the floor and cried a lot. She cried over the guilt from the accident with Allison. She cried because she was unable to share with Colin the true nature of her secrets, and it was eating her up inside. She wanted to trust him, but she was too scared to let him in.
And to top it all off, their sex life was suffering.
If Olivia was truly honest with herself, she missed the all-encompassing sex between her and Colin. While everything else was going back to normal, that still hadn’t. And her body craved it, but he wouldn’t give it to her. She knew he also felt incredible guilt for Allison’s accident.
While they were all holed up at Vanessa’s, they all did their best to rally around him, to let him know that no one held any animosity or blamed him, least of all her. She mostly blamed herself.
The day they had an intervention to try to snap him out of his guilt, she got on top of him and made love to him softly, sweetly, trying to show him, in her way, that she cared. He meant something to her. But she couldn’t bring herself to say the words.
And what could she say? ‘Colin, I love you, I’m a former dominatrix mistress who beat and degraded wealthy men for years to make ends meet. A lot of them are probably your colleagues by the way. Oh, and I’m also a failure who dropped out of school.’
Such a fuck up. How could he, with his status, want something like that? Something so damaged who would give him a bad name? She’d think to herself.
Now they were back home, looking at all the magnificent Christmas trees throughout the house, and Colin’s eyes stung seeing her look wide eyed at all of them beautifully decorated, except for one in the lounge by the kitchen. Mary left that one alone for them to decorate together. Looking outside, Olivia silently observed the new wrought iron fence with a padlock that Colin had thoughtfully erected around the pool while they were gone.
It looked stark and depressing next to the white of the snow.
At the sight of the fence, Olivia closed herself in the toilet closet of their bathroom and cried. Realizing that Colin wouldn’t bother her when she was in that little room. In there, her tears and emotions were safe to let out. She felt fresh feelings of inadequacy swamp her.
Not a good aunt, couldn’t even be a good student, and maybe she wasn’t a good girlfriend? Was there anything she could do right? All these thoughts swirled inside her head.
Abandoning the lingering trauma, Colin attempted to lift their spirits by dragging her out of the house and spending a full morning together the next day outside with mugs of hot chocolate, creating snow angels, snowmen, and chasing each other in snowball fights.
Colin tackled her to the ground and kissed her pink lips passionately, pressing rather a lot of his body weight into hers and she thought this was it. It was going to end their dry spell. She wanted it rough; she was getting antsy and needy; but still, he denied her what she needed. He then hauled her off to a decorating store, to buy special ornaments for the tree that they spent the night decorating, the movie White Christmas playing in the background while they wrapped presents to put under the tree.
Perfectly and undeniably festive, yet still, she remained incomplete.
Olivia became so frustrated she couldn’t even orgasm normally, their sessions pleasing her less and less. And Colin didn’t dare complain, not wanting to push her. Not after what happened on Thanksgiving. He’d never overplay his hand regarding her and risk anything like that happening ever again.
Christmas morning came, and they celebrated the morning at Vanessa’s home with a huge breakfast, fresh squeezed orange juice and so many presents. They were all sitting around the fireplace, a Christmas playlist going as they all exchanged gifts. Colin smirked and scoffed at Jonathan’s gift to him; a villa in the south of France. All the housing details were in a festive folder that was wrapped in a green ribbon.
“Who gives a house as a present, bro?” Colin joked, secretly thankful. He couldn’t stand buying properties out of the country.
“Uhm, you gifted me my house. Remember?” Vanessa teased.
“Nah, your sister worked that one off already, trust me,” he shot back, a wicked grin on his face as he glanced over at Olivia who blushed and looked away with a little eye roll.
Colin was happy to see that the tension between the four of them was completely gone, and terribly happy that he had the foresight to gift Jonathan a brand spanking new blue Ferrari, complete with a big red bow, and a baby seat in the back. The trunk boasted all kinds of baby paraphernalia, and he’d finished the look off with an enormous pink binky hanging from the rearview mirror. He ran for his life when Jonathan saw that. The big guy had a vicious hand for not being in the lifestyle.
One thing they all agreed on, was Allison made out like a bandit. She was completely covered in toys and loving all of them. Now ready to celebrate her sixth birthday in the next couple of months.
Allison’s favorite gift was Vanessa and Jonathan telling her that she was going to be a big sister. And Olivia’s heart pricked, wondering if it would ever be her turn to have that sort of happiness. Colin was quick to turn her thoughts elsewhere, and she was shocked speechless at her gift of the office building he’d started planning for her. He held back telling her about the meeting with the Architect CEO in a couple days, wanting it to be a surprise.
She looked at him almost like he grew two heads.
“Colin,” she smiled hesitantly, “You must have some kind of faith in me, mister,” she breathed, passing her hand over the documents to the building almost reverently. As if she was scared to touch it, to want it too much.
Olivia’s gift to Colin was a jar of dirt, which made him tackle and tickle her until she almost peed herself. And a framed collage of the two of them filled with three photos of them kissing during Halloween, kissing during Thanksgiving, and kissing in front of their Christmas tree. His eyes pricked as he tried not to cry. She didn’t know how much he cherished photographs, and a part of him came so close to sharing a picture of his mother. But he held back, knowing that if he shared anything about his family, then he’d have to tell her about the accident.
And because things were so fragile between them, he didn’t want to risk it.
Jonathan gifted Olivia with a beautiful leather-bound, signed, first edition of the Grimm's Complete fairy tale book. Olivia ran to the big man, crying all over him. He chuckled and patted her back affectionately.
Vanessa gifted him with a slapper whip, which he promptly slapped her with. Lightly of course, he didn’t want Jonathan to kill him with one of those torture techniques he shared with him that one time. He in turn gave Vanessa a lifetime all you can eat certificate to her favorite Italian eatery. Vanessa gasped, jumping up and down for joy, practically screaming.
Colin shook his head, chuckling at her antics. Food was this woman’s love, Lord.
It was a beautiful holiday full of love and joy.
