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When she didn’t acknowledge my request I tried again. “Please.”
Her eyes barely showed above the top of the blanket as she turned her piercing gaze towards me. “Was that so hard?” Her sarcasm was clear.
“What can I do to make this right?” I was used to demanding what I wanted. But for Hazel I’d do whatever I needed to do.
She tugged the blanket down beneath her chin and sighed. “I don’t know right now.”
At least she was talking to me.
She sighed. “Tell me what Terri said.” If this was an olive branch I’d take it. Until now I’d kept her in the dark about the dealings with finding my father’s killer. I never knew the extent of what I’d need to do to find the information I sought and I hadn’t wanted to taint Hazel with that part of my life. The fact that I brought her here, still feeling that way, spoke to the desperation swirling inside of me at possibly losing her.
“His informant said they heard the Sultons mention a guy that used to work with Dad. He might know something about my father’s death.”
“For your sake I hope he’s able to give you what you need.” She gave me a small smile. Not the radiant one I was used to, but it was a start.
I cleared my throat. “I will find a way to show you I’m sincere in my apology.”
Her gaze bore into me as though weighing the truth of my words.
“You want to soften me? To earn my trust back?”
I nodded.
“Then tell me why I’m here on this trip with you.”
I rubbed the back of my neck and looked at the ceiling. I hadn’t expected to get to this part so soon. Deep down I wanted to tell her, but if I did and we started something I feared I’d never be able to let her go. Even if it was for her own good.
Frustration flashed in her eyes. “Forget I asked.”
I grabbed her small hand between mine. The spark I always felt at her touch settled down to a low hum of comfort and desire. It gave me courage even when she tugged her hand from my grasp.
“Jess called me last night when they were convincing you to accept that date.”
Her brow creased in confusion.
“Fuck. Hearing you say that you were done waiting and willing to move on did something to me.” I leaned in closer to her, and shut down every instinct that demanded I pull her into my arms.
“So, help me, Jareth. If you’re about to say you stole me away because you didn’t want me to date someone else I’m going to deck you.” Her fingers curled into a fist.
“I was jealous.” I held up my palm when her eyes glittered with anger. “You’re right. I didn’t want you to go on that date. I didn’t want another man’s hands on you. I didn’t want to lose you to someone else. Which forced me to stop ignoring every warning that blares on a constant loop in my head telling me not to repeat what happened between us at the Christmas party.”
Her hand relaxed. Now her gaze was more curious than angry.
I paused waiting for her to jump in and say something. When she didn’t I continued. “Yet the logic in my decision remains the same. You deserve better than me.”
“Don’t you think that’s a decision I should get to make?” she asked.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” The truth fell from my lips. The sincerity of them etched into each vowel, each consonant. I’d never had this deep-seated desire to protect anyone more than I did with Hazel. With her eternal optimism, I sometimes forgot how fast she needed to grow up as a child. How she saw things kids should be sheltered from.
“You already have.” She gave me a sad smile.
I groaned.
The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her, but wasn’t this pain better than the one she’d feel later when I was too focused on finding out who was responsible for my father’s death? Or when I threw myself into work and didn’t emerge for days. When she wasn’t given all the attention and love she deserved because I was incapable of giving it. Even knowing she deserved better than me, the thought of her with someone else drove me to the brink of madness.
“You’re letting fear dictate your actions,” she pointed out.
Fear didn’t play a part in my life except when it came to her. “I want to protect you.”
