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Her eyes softened at my admission. “You can’t. You’re so afraid that together we will crash and burn yet have you ever thought about what might happen if we don’t?”
I hadn’t. I didn’t dare let myself dream of being with her.
She lifted one hand to cup my jaw. I reveled in her touch. “When will you understand you deserve so much more than what you allow yourself?”
Each muscle locked in place at her question. A physical way for my psyche to fight against her words and her gentle touch. When I spoke my voice sounded raspy. “I want you to have everything you desire, Hazel. You should have a life and love that is untouched, unmarred by anything bad in this world.”
“Don’t you get it, Jareth.” She dropped her hand from my face and her usually bright eyes dimmed the tiniest bit. “My life has already touched that part of the world and I survived. Now, I choose to be happy. I choose not to let the dark shadows invade or settle within me. I choose to live the life I do. I’ve been through enough therapy to know everything is a choice. Nothing about you or who you are can change who I am fundamentally.”
Hazel was stronger than I gave her credit for. When she said it like that it sounded so easy.
“Here’s the thing. I’m still mad at you. And while I still expect you to fully make up for what you did, this is the first time we’ve ever really talked about this thing between us. And I can’t keep wondering ‘what if’ with you. So this will be the last time I ask… ” she paused, her hands fluttering at her side.
The air shifted and my breath tightened in my chest. I knew without her voicing it what she was going to say. Part of me rejoiced at hearing it and the other panicked at the thought.
“Are you willing to take a risk and see if we can find happiness together?” The question, while spoken softly, had a hint of steel underlining each word.
She meant it. If I continued to deny us she would walk away from me.
My mouth grew dry and my chest tight. Her words seared through me, making my heart ache. My decision right now decided our fate. She was laying down the gauntlet, letting me know she was done, allowing me to push her away. Or ask her to stay.
I wrapped one of my hands behind her neck, drawing her closer to me. Her sweet honeysuckle scent washed over me and I wanted nothing more than to breathe in that scent, every day for eternity. “I can’t promise you forever.”
She nodded. “I know, but can you at least promise to try?”
“Yes,” I said. And I could. For her I’d push past my reservations. I couldn’t live with myself if I let her go one more time.
Now that I’d committed to trying, there was no going back. Her eyes sparkled with hope and that hope reached toward my soul. A small, miniscule dot lodged into the deepest recesses, and for the first time I wanted it to take hold and grow into something beautiful.
I’m not sure who moved first, but in the next moment my lips were on hers, frantically devouring them. I fumbled with the strap to her belt and hauled her into my lap. I needed her as close to me as possible. For her to feel how much I wanted her mentally and physically.
I had no idea how I lived before she came into my life. Then it hit me that I hadn’t been living. I’d been surviving on rage and vengeance.
She slid one arm around my back and her hand found its way to the nape of my neck. When her nails lightly scratched against my scalp I groaned at how good that simple touch felt.
“Stop thinking.” Her lips quirked against my mouth.
“I need to up my game if you’re still clear headed enough to keep talking.”
“Maybe you do. And I need to as well if you’re overthinking things still.” She frowned.
I pushed the other arm rest out of the way before grabbing her hips. The sequins of her pants digging into my palms as I lifted her. “Straddle me,” I demanded.
Her legs instantly went on either side of my thighs. My cock had already sprung to attention at the feel of her pouty lips and now, as her hips lined up with mine, and she slid forward, I was angry we both weren’t naked.
Hazel whimpered at the contact and rolled forward to increase the friction between us.
“Does that feel good, Sunshine?” The nickname fit. She brought the rays of the sun into my gray life.
She bit her lip and nodded.
“I need to hear it.” I cupped her cheeks and didn’t speak until her green eyes met mine. “Whether it’s good or bad, I want you to tell me. And I’m not only talking about the physical part of this.”
That blush I loved instantly colored her cheeks. Her chin tilted up. I respected that even though she was uncertain about what she was going to reveal she owned it. “About that. This is embarrassing to admit, but full disclosure I haven’t been with anyone before.”
My fingers froze against her cheek. I’d suspected she had little experience, but a virgin? “You’re a virgin?” Somehow the shock and awe didn’t soften my words.
“Yes.” She didn’t hesitate.
