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Since then, I’ve kept myself busy, and managed to get through the week.
It’s been easier than I expected in some ways. Not having a PA has meant I’ve been rushed off my feet and haven’t had time to think. I could have found a temp to cover, but the thought of anyone else sitting outside my office now is just wrong. So, I’ve worked late, which has helped, too. I haven’t had to spend too much time at my apartment, and I’ve barely talked to anyone. Drew and Ella both called to check I was okay. It was good of them, and nice to know they care, but they wanted to talk about Livia… and I couldn’t. I wanted to talk to her, and in the absence of that, I’d rather stay silent.
Some things have been harder than I’d thought. Seeing Livia’s car in the parking garage every day is tough. It feels like a punishment… and a reminder of what I’ve lost.
It was only yesterday afternoon that I remembered I needed to call Pat, to let her know my plans for the weekend, and while a part of me hoped she might be busy, and I could leave a message, I wasn’t surprised when she picked up on the third ring.
“How are you?” she said.
“I’m fine.”
“Hmm… you sound it.”
“Okay. I feel terrible, if you must know.”
“And what are you doing about it?” It was typical of Pat not to let me wallow.
“Doing?”
“Yes. Are you sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, or are you…?”
“I’ve been working all week.”
“And how does that help you get Livia back?”
“It doesn’t, but like I said, I don’t want to crowd her.”
“Maybe not, but it’s Friday. You’ve given her a week, or thereabouts… surely you can call her, can’t you?”
Just the thought of hearing Livia’s voice made my body shudder, and I wondered… how would she react? Would she tell me to back off? Or might she want to speak to me, too?
“I could…” I wasn’t sure. Should I start with a text message instead? Would that be easier for her? I might have wanted to hear her voice, but… “Oh, shit.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I can’t call her, or send a message.”
“Why not?”
“Because she gave me back her phone. I don’t have any way of contacting her.”
“That’s not strictly true. You could drive up there.”
“And that wouldn’t be crowding her?”
“Not if you handle it right, no. It won’t help if you make assumptions about her.”
“I’m never gonna do that again, Pat.”
“That’s not what I mean. What I’m trying to say is, you can’t make her think you have any expectations. So, I wouldn’t go tonight, if I were you.”
“In case she thinks I’m expecting to stay?”
“Exactly.”
“Do you really think this could work?”
She paused for a moment or two. “Put it this way… I don’t think it can hurt.”
