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“Oh, no need to be sorry, dear. This is hard news. You take your time.”
“Okay, I’ll look for a ride and be there as soon as possible.”
“When you enter the hospital at the main entrance, take the elevators on the left-hand side to the fifth floor. Room 508.”
“Room 508, got it. Thank you.”
We disconnected, and I sat still momentarily, letting the news sink in. My mother had OD’d before, but she’d made it out of it. This time, the nurse didn’t sound like she held out much hope. Knowing my only chance at goodbye was slipping away, I hopped up and ran out of the dining hall, when luckily, Ella headed inside.
“Whoa, Chan, where’s the fire?”
“Hey, um, can I borrow your car again?”
Ella watched me closely and nodded. “Of course.” She dug into her bag and grabbed her keys. “Are you okay? Do you need me to drive?”
“No, thanks. I can drive. Thanks again. I won’t be too long.”
Without further delay, I ran to her car. I didn’t want to mention anything about my mother. Not until I understood everything going on. Nobody here knew how bad my mother was. I let them think she had this incredible life, which she could’ve been doing if drugs weren’t her addiction.
For the people around here, greed was their addiction. They used drugs for fun because it was affordable, but I didn’t see it become as out of hand for them as it had for my mother.
I made it to the hospital in no time. Walking into her hospital room in the ICU, wires connected her to every machine imaginable, and a breathing tube was forced down her throat. Looking at her had me gasping and holding the wall.
“Ms. Montgomery?”
I turned. The nurse’s name tag read Helen, and I nodded at her. “This looks surreal.”
“It’s a lot to take in. The doctor’s in with another patient, but I’ll let her know you’re here and she’ll be with you shortly.”
Thanking her, I stepped into the room, grabbed the only seat against the wall, and sat beside the bed. Besides the one chair, the room only sported medical equipment for easy access to the patient. The machines beeped with her steady heartbeat, but I wondered if she could breathe independently without the breathing tube in her mouth.
Without knowing what to do, I did what I’d hoped somebody visiting me would do. I grabbed her hand and held it in mine. I let myself give way to emotion, and I cried.
“Oh, Mom, look what you did to yourself. I figured this day would come, but why so soon? Why couldn’t you think about your life? About me? You could’ve had everything, and now you’re a shell. Are you even in there?”
When the thought of this hit me in the past, I assumed I’d be mad at her and I would have a small dose of anger, but surprisingly, it was mostly sadness and abandonment that was prevalent. It shocked me because I had always been alone, but it wasn’t until now that I genuinely felt like she abandoned me when she had done it years ago.
There was a soft knock on the door. “Hello, Ms. Montgomery, I’m Dr. Harris. I’ve been treating your mother since she was admitted.”
Pushing the chair away, I stood, not letting go of my mother’s hand. “Hello, Doctor, what’s the prognosis?”
“When your mother was found she wasn’t breathing, and while the paramedics were able to resuscitate her, she sustained permanent damage. I’m sorry to tell you, but the machine is breathing for her. Without aid from the tube, your mother wouldn’t survive on her own.”
Fighting the tears, I stared at the doctor blankly as I embraced the knowledge my mother was officially gone and out of my life. Internally, I hoped she finally found peace when the machines were turned off.
“We need your permission to turn off the machines if that is what you wish.”
“Is it your professional recommendation to do so?” I looked at my mother and knew the humane thing to do. I only had to follow through.
“There’s nothing left of who your mother was. If it were my mother, I’d make the tough decision to turn off life support, but I’ll follow your wishes.”
Tears slipped from my eyes, and I wiped them away quickly. “Um, my mother is married. Her husband has to give his consent, doesn’t he?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, you were listed as her emergency contact on her phone. It’d be best if her husband came down here too. This is never easy, and we want it to be as seamless as possible.”
“Thank you, Dr. Harris.”
Helen came in as the doctor vacated the room and handed me my mother’s belongings. I thanked her and sat while I went through her phone to get her husband’s number.
