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Rose braced herself against the doorway. Whatever Dr. Myers had to say wouldn’t surprise her, but it would add to the pain she was about to deliver, both to Steven and herself. Part of her wished the doctor had been delayed. Then she could have done what she came to do and escaped without hearing about Steven’s condition. But the other part, the part that had questioned over and over whether she was making the right decision, needed to know Steven was going to be okay.
Dr. Myers moved beside Steven. “You were lucky. It wasn’t a heart attack or a seizure but convulsive syncope. Which basically means you fainted due to loss of blood or oxygen to your brain. It can often look like a seizure.”
Steven sagged against his pillow, and his lips turned up in a tentative smile. “That’s a relief.” When Dr. Myers crossed his arms, Steven’s mouth tightened. “Isn’t it?”
“This was yet another warning sign that your heart is under too much stress. Syncope episodes are common following a cardiac arrest, but it’s a bad sign. It means you aren’t healing as well as you should be.” Dr. Myers took a deep breath. “Stress can be one of the worst things for someone with heart disease. Your body is already in a vulnerable place, and it’s trying to heal. But if you don’t provide it that time and space to heal itself, you won’t survive the next heart attack.”
The way he said it, with authority and conviction, seemed to finally break through to Steven. It was no longer a question of whether he would have another heart attack but when and how severe. A hole opened in Rose’s chest, and she pressed a hand to it as if it was a gunshot wound and she was trying to stanch the bleeding. But the bleeding was internal and emotional, and there was no way to stop that outpouring of pain.
“I understand.” Steven’s voice was strained. It sounded so broken and childlike. Rose almost went to his side to comfort him, but she stopped herself.
“I hope you do.” The note of doubt in Dr. Myers’s voice was unmistakable. Rose peered over his shoulder at Steven, and her breath bottled up in her chest. Maybe he was finally comprehending the seriousness of his situation. She squashed that feeling of hope before it could spread. Even if he did see reason, it was too little, too late.
“We’ll be keeping you here for observation for a few days, then we’ll discharge you.” Dr. Myers glanced at Rose before continuing. “I’m willing to send you home instead of back to the inpatient rehab facility but only if you follow my instructions to the letter.”
“I will,” Steven mumbled. He shot a mournful look at Rose. “I promise.”
Her resolve faltered, especially when Dr. Myers patted her hand on his way out. But once they were alone again, she straightened her shoulders and marched to Steven’s bed.
“I’m sorry,” he said again, taking her hand. “I should have listened to you. But I promise I’ve learned my lesson, and I will take better care of myself. What happened was Michael told me he’d been offered a position in DC. He asked me about a full-time position or a partnership, but I told him I wasn’t ready for that. When I realized how much finding a new law clerk would set me back, I panicked.” He sighed. “But clearly I need more help. I’m going to talk to Michael and see if I can convince him to stay, but I’ll also start putting out feelers for a new law clerk so I can get them in before he leaves. It’s going to work out. I promise.”
Tears pricked her eyes, and she blinked them back. How long had she wished he would take that action? How long had she prayed he would take his health seriously? And he finally had. Too little, too late repeated over and over again in her head, like a scratched CD.
“I’m glad you plan to take better care of yourself.” She was proud that her voice shook only a little.
“I don’t want to be a burden to you.” He lifted her hand to kiss it, but the contact would be too much.
She pulled away and stepped back. The hurt in his eyes pierced her heart, but she couldn’t back down. The heart attack had been a warning sign, not only for his health but also for where their future was headed. She needed to rip off the Band-Aid and allow her pain to bleed out so she could start over.
Sucking in air for strength, she lifted her left hand and slid the engagement ring off her finger. Steven’s eyes widened and flickered back and forth between the ring she held out and her face. It took effort, but she managed to arrange her features into a neutral expression despite the category-five emotional hurricane building inside her.
“Rose.” His voice was hoarse and strangled. “Don’t do this.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore.” She was amazed at how calm she sounded.
Tears filled his eyes. “Why?”
“I begged you, repeatedly, to take it easy, slow down, take better care of your health.” A lump formed in her throat, and she could barely speak. “But you wouldn’t listen to me. You blew off my concerns as if they were nothing.”
“I’m listening now.”
That was probably the worst thing he could have said. Her hands shook as she tried and failed to gain control of her anger. “Now? Now that you’re back in the hospital?” She gestured to the machines he was hooked up to. “And I suppose you’re also finally listening to what your body has been trying to tell you, too, right?” The pounding in her ears increased in rhythm. “But you wouldn’t listen to me. I may not be a doctor, but I’m not an idiot either. I knew what your workload was doing to you and how stressed you were after your accident. I tried to reason with you. I tried to convince you that you were making a mistake, but you wouldn’t listen.” Her carefully put-together demeanor cracked. “So, now I’m done listening to your excuses.”
“We can postpone the wedding, if that’s what you want! We can reschedule it for next summer or for however long you wish.” He reached for her, but she moved farther away. “But don’t do this. Don’t throw away everything we have because I made a mistake.”
“A mistake?” She stared at him. Is that all he thinks this is? “A mistake is when you mess up the numbers in a budget or forget an important date. Ignoring your health and brushing off the advice of medical professionals isn’t a mistake. It’s a choice.” He opened his mouth as if to respond, but she didn’t give him the chance. “I didn’t come here to convince you that it’s over but to tell you it’s over.” Tears stung her eyes, but she blinked them back. “I love you too much to sit by and watch you kill yourself.”
“Rose, please—”
The pain in his voice might have made her falter at one time, but the more he fought her, the more resolved she became. No matter how much she loved him, she had chosen the right path—for both of them.
“No.” For once, she didn’t try to temper the finality of the word with excuses or platitudes. It might have been only one word, but it was a complete sentence.
“Please, Rose.” His eyes searched her face. “I love you, and I promise, I’ll do everything the doctors tell me to do.”
“I hope you do.” And she meant it. “I hope you listen to Dr. Myers, to all of your doctors, and follow their advice.” Her voice cracked because the alternative was something she couldn’t bear to consider. If breaking both their hearts was the only way to get him to understand the gravity of the situation, so be it. At least she could walk away knowing she’d done everything she could to save him. But it was time to save herself.
Her emotions bubbled up inside, and it was only a matter of time before they spilled over. She had to leave before he saw her break down. He would only take it as a sign that he needed to push harder.
