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“Are you two . . . related?” Dr. Collins asks.
Gabe squeezes my hand. “Ameline is my fiancée.”
“Okay, so I assume I can speak freely then.” Dr. Collins looks at me for confirmation. I simply nod.
Dr. Collins goes on to explains where the tumor is located. The treatment he thinks would work best for me. Surgery, radiation therapy to target any remaining cells. He goes on explaining how everything should look. I have to see the neurologist who’ll be performing the surgery soon.
“There is an option to do chemotherapy as well, but combining it with radiation could negatively impact your fertility,” he continues and my breath catches.
I’m only twenty. The idea that I might never be able to have children hits me like a blow. Gabe’s hand tightens on mine.
Dr. Collins must see the look on my face. “There are options,” he says. “You can go to a fertility clinic where they’ll harvest your eggs and freeze them. However, I want you to get informed about all the possibilities and remember that fertilized eggs have the best chance of viability down the road.”
I let out a shaky breath, nodding. The thought of future children seems so distant right now, but should I be thinking about that future right now?It’s so far away, and yet there’s a lot I can lose during the surgery. Faculties, memory . . . even my life. Is it worth the trouble if at the end I might just die of one thing or another?
Don’t let the fear take over your thoughts, I tell myself, returning my attention toward the doctor who assures me that everything will be fine. He’s done this many times with a lot of success. The odds are in my favor, or so he says.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
Gabe rubs his thumb over my knuckles. “It’s okay, baby,” he murmurs.
As we step outside the building, Gabe turns to face me. “How are you holding up?”
I take a deep breath. “That was a lot of information. He tried his best to tell me I’ll be okay, but honestly I’m scared,” I admit. “Surgery, radiation, chemo . . . it’s a lot to process.”
He bends closer, resting his forehead on mine. “It is, but we’re getting the best doctors for you,” he promises. “Let’s make a list of things we have to do. We’ll schedule everything accordingly—including that wedding that’s pending.”
I bite my lip. Right, we have to get married. I know he said he loves me, but is it just the fear that I might die or does he really feel that way?
“What worries you the most?” He interrupts my thoughts.
“The idea that I might never be able to have a future. What if I end in a vegetative state? Lose my memory or . . . kids. I don’t want to have any now but later . . .” My voice trails off.
Gabe wraps his arms around my waist. His forehead never leaving mine. “As I said, we’re getting the best doctors. I don’t think you’ll lose your faculties or anything. As for children, we can harvest your eggs first, like the doctor said. There are options.”
I sigh. “I know, but . . .” A lump forms in my throat and tears burn behind my eyes. “What if they don’t freeze right or none of the eggs work when I’m ready to have children?”
I don’t add that it’s a cost that I can’t afford and I doubt it’s covered by insurance. Gabe’s gracious about giving me what he can, but I won’t ask him to do this for me. This is just too much to think about in so little time. Because the doctor was clear, the sooner I get the surgery and start treatment the better.
“Well, then we fertilize your eggs, before your treatment starts.” He doesn’t even bat an eyelash. The determination in his eyes is overwhelming. “That way they’d have the best chance of viability if we need to use them later on. I’ll get us an appointment to the best clinic.”
I stare at him, surprised. He’s just ready to jump into this and even use the best doctors. He keeps saying the best as if it matters too much to leave any of this to chance.
“You’re already doing a lot. I can’t ask you to do that too,” I whisper.
Gabe cups my face in his hands, his eyes boring into mine. “Ameline, I would do anything for you. Anything to give you the future you’ve always dreamed of. Please, just trust me.”
“I don’t know what to say,” I whisper.
He brushes his thumb over my cheek gently. “Accept the help I’m offering because I care about you. It hurts to think of what could happen if we don’t act quickly. But I also want to make sure you have a bright future ahead of you. Please, just say yes.”
I nod, not trusting my voice. We stand there a moment longer, neither of us speaking.
Finally I find my voice again. “Thank you. For always being there for me. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“You never need to thank me,” he says softly, squeezing my hand. “I love you, and I’ll always be here for you, Ame. Always.”
“I love you too,” I whisper.
