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If anyone understood the misery and pain of guilt and loss and self-loathing along with it, it was him. He was like my brother and Suzie’s death had destroyed both of us. He hadn't dated since her. Two years alone and as fucked in the head as I was about her death. He also turned into a miserable, angry prick, hating on the world as much as I did, only he was less self-destructive than me. He hadn’t lost all that I lost and not the way I did.
“Why are you here? Why tonight? Why now?”
I backed up into the door, my hands on my head. “I want…” I trailed off, but I found it surmised everything. I wanted. It was the first time in two years, but I wanted. I wanted things. A life. Potential. I wanted to not hate the skin I was wearing. I wanted to feel worthy of Georgia’s love, even if I never had her again.
He looked at me, really looked at me, and said, “I see.”
My hands met my hips, and I started shaking.
“I won't forgive you for hurting her. I don't want you to forgive yourself either, if that’s what it’ll take for you to crawl your way out of this. Still, I'm fucking furious with you, and Grey will be too. Possibly worse. I want to kick the shit out of you and hug you at the same time. Do you know what that’s like for me? Do better. Be better. I love you. Go. But stay the fuck away from Georgia. You will never touch her again. And you will never lie like that to me again.”
Scrubbing my hand up my face, I slip my phone out of my pocket and dial up Zax. “Hey,” he answers quickly, as Zax always does. “Everything okay?” Because I text and rarely ever call unless it’s something that shouldn’t be texted.
“I’m merging in Grey.” Without waiting for him to say anything, I hit the merge button on my screen and then dial up Grey, who also picks up quickly.
“Lenox?”
“I’m patching Zax in.” And when we’re all on the line, I start to pace my kitchen. “Georgia was just here,” I start without any preamble, and then I proceed to tell them everything. By the time I’m done, I’m sitting on my couch with my elbows digging into my knees and my head in my hand.
“You’re doing it then,” Zax states, and I chuckle humorlessly at his surefire tone. “You wouldn’t have called us otherwise. You would have simply told her no, and that would have been that.”
“How do I say no?” I ask, genuinely curious about their thoughts.
“You don’t,” Grey shoots out because he is the emotional brother, whereas Zax is the methodical, pragmatic one. “If that’s what she needs right now and you’re willing to do it, then what is there to question?”
Everything.
“If anything, she’s right,” Grey continues, building steam. “You fucking owe her.”
My eyes pinch shut, and I exhale a silent breath.
“Are you willing to do it?” Zax presses. “Because what she needs right now is someone who can help her and look out for her.” While keeping their hands to themselves, he doesn’t say, but it’s spelled out in his tone. I’ve known Zax since I was five. He dated my sister for eight years. I know him better than any other person on the planet. Still, I don’t plan to touch her this time, so it won’t be a problem.
Am I doing this? Am I going to marry Georgia? I’m not sure I ever had a choice.
I was a piece of shit who lied to them and used their cousin and subsequently broke her heart.
Because of that, because I do owe everyone involved, I say, “Yes. I’m willing to do it.” My voice is even, masking the raging inferno inside me. Unlike my ability to read Zax, no one can read me unless I allow them to. There is no place for feelings in this. No desire for them either. They’ll do nothing but complicate an already complicated situation.
“Okay,” Zax finally says with a resigned breath. “But remember the promises you made to us.”
“I do.” And I’ll abide by them.
I’ll keep my hands to myself. My eyes where they belong. My thoughts on lockdown.
And everything I ever felt for Georgia Monroe will stay where it is… buried six feet under.
Chapter Four
I didn’t bother trying to sleep. Sleep isn’t something I’m known for anyway, but I didn’t sit in front of my monitors playing with the system I’ve been trying to penetrate either. I was edgy, uncomfortable, turbulent. I went for a run in the middle of the night, and then I lifted weights until my muscles screamed and threatened to give out. That wasn’t new for me either. It’s how my brain works things out.
It’s always going. Never quiet unless I push it to the point of exhaustion.
But by the time dawn rolls around and I’m showered and dressed and sipping on coffee, I’m no longer agitated. If anything, I’m resigned. It’s a few days of bullshit with Georgia, and then I’m back to Maine, and she’ll be somewhere else. I’ll keep my promise to Zax. I’ll stay the fuck away from Georgia after this.
I text Brooklynn and tell her she’s going to have to rebook everyone and hold onto my dog, Alice, for a bit longer. I don’t tell her I’m getting married. This is Georgia Monroe we’re talking about, and it’ll be on the news soon enough. The only good thing to come out of this might be getting the town matchmakers off my back.
Then I text Georgia.
