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She starts to squirm—likely because we’re dripping cum and I’m holding her too tight—and I snap myself out of…whatever the fuck that was. Only my heart is still beating like this, and I’m not sure how to make it stop.
Slowly I slide out of her, wincing slightly as I take us both down to the carpet because there is no way I can stand a second longer, and I want my cum to stay in her for as long as it can. And hell, that thought makes my dead cock twitch back to life. Katy feels it and giggles breathlessly as she rests against me, letting me play with her mangled hair.
Can she hear how my heart is beating against her ear? Fuck, I hope not.
“We’re going to ruin your rug,” she warns.
I scrub a hand across my face and blow out a silent breath. “I couldn’t care less. It’s a rug. One I didn’t even pick out. Besides, I’ll have to redecorate this room if there will be a kid here eventually.”
She rolls onto her back, and I roll on my side, propping my head up with my hand and taking in the woman before me. The one who has her knees bent in the air and her legs crossed at the ankles. I don’t know if that’s even medically a thing, and I doubt she does either, but I don’t challenge it. I take in the lines of her perfect tits and muscular thighs and smooth belly. The dark hair that’s fanned around her and the summer sky blue of her eyes.
Control, Bennett. Remember why you’re doing this and think of nothing else.
“Are you moving in with me?”
She laughs. “Wow. Yeah. That.” Another laugh. “I hadn’t gotten that far. I realized I was ovulating and that sort of drove the train.”
I reach out and unstick some of her hair that’s matted to her forehead back from her face, wanting to see her eyes and read her face. “Are you having second thoughts?” Please tell me you’re not regretting this. I couldn’t take it if she changed her mind.
“Second thoughts? No.” She treats me to the most breathtaking smile. “I’m excited, Bennett. More than just from the hot, hot sex.”
I smirk. “Hot, hot sex?”
“Do you have a better name for what that was?”
“That was way more than hot. That was out of this world incredible.” I run my fingers down the slope of her neck, tracing the bones of her shoulder, following my finger as I touch her. If I’m being honest with myself, it was the best sex of my life, but I don’t tell her that. She doesn’t need to know, and it wouldn’t help me to say it, so I pull my hand away.
“I need to think about moving in here. It’s risky. I mean, all of this is, but living here ups that ante and increases the risk of us getting caught.”
She’s right, of course. The risk is far greater for me than for her. It was a stupid thing to offer. A dangerous thing to offer and not just from the risk of getting caught and ruining my career for good. So why do I want her to move in regardless of all that?
She tilts her head and squints at me. “Are you okay with that?”
“Of course,” I say easily. “Katy, all I want is for you to be comfortable. I realize I need you a hell of a lot more than you need me.”
That thought hits me like a sledgehammer, and instinctively I sit up, finding my track shorts on the floor and hastily tugging them on. That’s what’s going on with my heart. That’s why it’s beating like this.
I swore after what I went through, I’d never emotionally put myself on the line with someone again, and though I’m not in love with Katy and have no plans to change that, I’m still vulnerable to her. I’m still handing her a huge chunk of my heart and praying she doesn’t stomp all over it before shredding it to pieces.
Katy holds all the power right now, and that’s why we need a contract. It’s why we need boundaries. Because when I look at her, I get lost in everything amazing that she is. She’s funny and beautiful and smart and so herself. She has people around her who love her, who can’t get enough of her. Being around Katy is warm sunshine on your face in the middle of winter. She feels incredible, and she makes me feel incredible. She makes me feel young and alive. Like the guy who used to watch her and think about her and then one night kissed her.
Like, once again, I have possibility in my life, and she’s that possibility.
Only that’s not the reality for us anymore. I’m thirty-eight years old, and other than work and my mother, what do I have? When I met Liz, she was fun, smart, and exciting too. She was sweet and kind, and I thought honest. I thought she was my other half. The woman I could trust myself fully with.
So yeah, it’s easy to look at Katy and want to be near her just to absorb some of her warmth and sunshine. Just to feel like I’m special enough to be on the inside of her circle. She’s exactly as Wes said. You can’t help but love her. But loving Katy is the last thing I want, and I know that if I don’t start protecting myself now, then I’ll really be in trouble.
Katy gathers her clothes and goes to find the bathroom, and I head into the kitchen to make some coffee. The sun is just starting to rise over the eastern part of the city, and I lean against the back door, staring out at my yard. A yard I haven’t been in once since I bought the place, not even to barbecue.
I have this big house full of empty rooms with only the hope of one day filling them.
“Hey,” she says, her voice light, almost like she’s afraid of disturbing me. I turn and look at her, at how sweet and lovely she is, and that lightness I feel in my chest every time I see her is back. It’s become a thing now; I might as well get used to it.
“Hey. Coffee’s brewing if you want some.”
“Bennett?”
“Yeah.” I twist and lean back against the glass. “What’s wrong?”
