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What will I do?
“The only thing I can. Fight for her. It’s not perfect, but that’s life. The beautiful and the ugly. The heartbreak and the joy. What good is all this fate that brought us back together if I don’t do everything I can to bend it to my will? I’ve been a miserable sack of unhappy shit for months and months, and I’m tired of it. I might not win her, and this might cost me everything I’ve got left, but Katy is worth the risk.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
I leave Cayden in the bar and plow out onto the sidewalk. It’s been a miserably warm September. and right now, with all this tequila thrumming through my veins and guaranteeing a hangover for my shift tomorrow, I wouldn’t mind some cooler weather. It’s not late, but it’s not early as I enter my house, hearing the sounds of Katy and her people laughing from the family room.
I make my way into my kitchen, my stomach growling since I never did get that bar food. Opening the fridge, I hang on the door and stare in for way longer than I should require before my gaze snags on leftover Thai food from the other night. I didn’t cook much this week with Katy being sick because I didn’t want to stink up the house and make it worse for her.
I pull out the to-go container, set it down on the counter, and then dive back in for a bottle of water. I don’t bother to sit as I grab some chopsticks from the drawer and dig in with gusto. My eyes wander about my dark kitchen, my vision growing fuzzy as I start to picture what things will hopefully look like in here a year from now.
Highchairs and baby food and bottles of formula or breast milk. I picture coming down here at midnight, the baby in my arms, and me feeding it a bottle in the dark while Katy gets some sleep upstairs.
My chest swells at the image. At the others that follow it. Waking up on a Sunday morning with Katy beside me. Having her bring the baby into bed with us so we can cuddle and talk and marvel at the perfection we made. I want the baby, but I also want it all. The life. The girl. My girl.
“We’re heading out. She’s getting tired,” Owen announces, snapping me out of my reverie and over the doorway where he’s lingering.
“I shouldn’t have let her go in last night.”
“Is that why I can smell the tequila from here? Guilt?”
I crack the top on my water and drink half of it down, ducking his question even though I know Owen well enough at this point to know he won’t let it slide. As if proving my point, he folds his arms over his chest and waits me out.
I press my palms into the island and twist my head. “You’re her best friend. You have no loyalties to me, and I’ve been burned enough not to trust people right now.”
He considers this. “For what it’s worth, I knew it would go this way. We all did.”
“Thanks,” I mutter sardonically.
He makes a dismissive noise in the back of his throat and then crosses the kitchen until he’s on the other side of the island from me. “You’re a fool.”
“Is it your habit to go into another man’s kitchen and insult him?”
“Jesus, Bennett. Shut up and listen. You’re a smart guy. Haven’t you figured it out yet? Katy is the sort who dives into the deep end headfirst without checking for rocks beneath the surface. She leads with her heart, and when she encounters something that emotionally stirs her up, she panics a bit and retreats. Call it a byproduct of losing her parents when she was a little kid or that this is simply who Katy is. Katy gets spooked, and after what Zane did to her, I’m not surprised she’s being extra cautious now. But her getting spooked doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to swim back into the deep end. Sometimes she just needs someone to throw her in, so she doesn’t see it coming.”
Spooked. Isn’t that the same word she used on me once? She retreated then, and I pushed her back into the deep end with me, just as Owen said.
I meet his eyes. “Thanks for the pep talk. I was already intending to, but now I think I’ll start sooner than I was planning.”
“You’re drunk.”
I sigh. “Yeah. I am. I’m sort of regretting that now. The spicy noodles should help, though.”
“I’m going to assume that means you’re in this with her as much as a man can be and I don’t have to plan how we’ll get rid of your body.”
I motion at him with my chopsticks. “Assume away.”
Before he can say more, Keegan walks in. “Good night, Bennett.”
I throw her a wave. “Night.” I scarf down the rest of the noodles.
“Are you good?” Owen doesn’t know what to do with me. I don’t know what to do with me.
“Don’t ask me that yet. Ask me that in a week. Maybe two or three.”
“Fine. Catch you later.” He gives me a fist pound and I follow him to the door where he meets everyone else.
Katy says good night and then turns on me. “That’s not fair, you know.”
