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One mention that I felt warmness for him, and he was radiant with pride. Almost boyish, yet somehow regal. Intimidating, no matter the softness around his eyes.
If I ever told him I loved him, I would be done for.
Thayer had been ordered away, Cyderial not interested in sharing me a moment longer but still eager to show me off.
His admittedly affectionate mate.
Which I reminded myself I shouldn’t mind. Personal discomfiture aside, I had to consider the example my behavior set for the avaricious men of my species. May they learn from him.
May they wish to have the same, if not better, from their mates.
Unsure what the future held, learning to manage the overwhelm, I sat beside him as we sipped steaming drinks.
Considering how little time was left, I even offered him a gift. “You do deserve my gratitude for the way you have treated me. I might even thank you one day for keeping me ignorant of this city for so long.” Deep in thought, I chewed my lower lip a moment, then added, “It is a shame you seem singular amongst the males. Even with your guidance, Thayer is…. I don’t trust that he will be able to control himself and treat her as more than something fun to have sex with.”
Not after watching him twitch every time I said Maeve’s name.
Another sip of the steaming drink, and I said, “I think my experiment might fail. He’s not like you. He won’t be able to let her out.”
My mate was not interested in discussing other men, other couples, or anything but us. Eyes burning, he took my cup from my hands, set it to the table, and issued an order. “Tell me you love me, even a little.”
The man was no saint, no matter how many hybrids seemed to worship the ground he walked on. He was a coldhearted devil with the face of an angel and strength I could never match.
I liked the look of that face, the shape and taste of his body.
How he felt inside me.
The way he took such care in crafting my meals and rubbing my feet.
His knowledge and patience.
Seduction, it seemed, I had been ripe for.
His strategy ultimately paid off. My confession was soft. “I am growing fonder of you.”
Reaching to cup my cheek, he seemed to read my mind and did not want me to view my feelings as a loss to his victory. Smiling with joy, he said, “I am irrevocably in love with you. It is more than your song, beautiful Lorieyn. I wish you might understand the lengths I will go to for your happiness at my side. It would frighten you if I told you all that I think, how I watch you sleep while I breathe in your soft exhales because they are mine. You demand little and give so much of yourself, even to me. You are brave and kind, impetuous and cunning. Love me completely, and I will lay the world at your feet.”
Love him completely? That would take more than a couple of weeks and a great deal of surrender. That would take a life together.
Which was soon to be dramatically altered.
That would distract me, even as it flayed me alive.
Maeve would do her part. Thayer would try to do his. And it would not be enough if I did not do mine.
“Do you know why Maeve insisted you pass me a note?” I asked, already tucking away the more vulnerable parts of my heart. I would need them intact if I was to survive what was coming. “It wasn’t to assure me she would serve female kind by submitting to Thayer. She had come to that decision as soon as I explained what was at stake. It was to remind me I too had a job to do.”
“Lorieyn—”
I was going to be sick. “She knows me. Better than even you do. Maeve knows I want to back out.”
The flickering truth of a baby would soon take my attention from him, from any growing affection… from everything else. Then there was the worry of what would follow. I did not know if I would be capable of fully loving a man who could support a world that might take my child from me. Who would expect me to send her to a horrible place where her little fingers would be broken, so she might die for humans who did not love her as I did.
But I could change the world for the better, even if it was only just a little. And that ultimately would benefit her too. So I told him what he must have already suspected. “I intend to be pregnant by the time Maeve graduates. I am choosing to have a daughter in hopes it might make the world a better place for us all. But I’m afraid.”
The softness around Cyderial’s eyes vanished, the smirk evaporating. Expressionless and sinister, he asked, “Should you not wait to see how Thayer and Maeve fare?”
“No. Because I realize you may support me, but you do not support them. Not in that way. How could you? Thayer cannot be the man you are. Maeve is not the woman I am. Their journey will be personal, and I pray it goes well. But it was unfair of me to lay so much at her feet.” I hoped to God it might work out between them, trusted her to put on a show. But ultimately, even if her behavior was perfect in all ways, the unmated generals made their demands clear. The responsibility was on my shoulders, and Maeve could never assume it. She would have her own battles, but this one was ultimately mine.
