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A thrill goes through me at her words, followed quickly by a crush of panic. If she's right, if Gabriel really has feelings for me...how will he react to the pregnancy? Will it send him running, reinforcing all his fears about love and commitment? Or will it be the catalyst that finally breaks down his walls, that shows him the beauty of the future we could have together?
"What do I do, Selena? I'm so scared of losing him. Of losing everything we've fought so hard to build. But I can't keep going like this, can't keep hiding how I feel. It's eating me alive."
Selena reaches out again, her hand warm and steady over mine. "Oh Harper. I wish I had all the answers. But this is between you and Gabriel. You need to talk to him, need to lay it all out on the table. The feelings, the fears, all of it."
"I know you're right. I just think I need a little time. To wrap my head around it, figure out what I want to say. How I want to say it."
"Take all the time you need. But don't wait too long, okay? You both deserve happiness. I think you could have that, if you're brave enough to reach for it."
Tears sting my eyes at her fierce sincerity and unwavering faith that hasn’t changed since kindergarten. "Thank you. For being the best friend a girl could ask for."
Selena smiles, her own eyes suspiciously misty. "You started it when you punched Billy after he called me fat. You’re stuck with me."
A watery laugh escapes me.
We sit in comfortable silence for a moment, sipping our drinks and letting the conversation settle. My mind is still whirling, still grappling with the enormity of the secrets I'm keeping. But there's a glimmer of hope now too, a flicker of possibility amidst the fear.
"I'm going to tell him," I say quietly, decisively. "Not tonight, not yet. I need a little more time. But soon. I'll ask him to have dinner with me, somewhere quiet where we can really talk. And I'll tell him everything."
"Good. I know it won't be easy. But you're doing the right thing.”
I'll just have to find a way to make it work. To convince Gabriel to let me keep the babies, lend me money to continue Oscar's treatments. I'll promise to raise them on my own, to never ask for anything more from him. I'll spend the rest of my life paying him back the money for the money for Oscar’s treatment.
The thought of facing the future without him is too painful to bear.
But I know now, with bone-deep certainty, that I'll bear it if I have to. For my babies, for the tiny lives depending on me, I'll find the strength to do this. With or without Gabriel by my side.
I just pray that it's with him. That the love I feel for him is enough to overcome every obstacle, fear and doubt.
That it's enough to build a life on, a real happily ever after, beyond the pages of any contract.
But for now, for tonight...I let myself lean on my best friend. I let myself be scared and hopeful and everything in between.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Gabriel
SOMETHING IS WRONG. I felt it in the unnatural stillness of the house, the absence of Harper's usual cheerful humming as I stepped through the door after work.
I shake my head as I brush my teeth, using more force than necessary.
The past few days, she’s been different. Our lovemaking has been more urgent, almost desperate, as if she's trying to pour whatever she can't say into the press of her body against mine. It's like she's slipping through my fingers, and I'm terrified of what it means.
Terrified that she's tired of me, of this life we've built together, that what I’m giving her isn’t enough. Terrified that she's met someone else, someone who can give her the love and warmth she deserves.
A fierce surge of possessiveness that rises in me. I try to tamp down on the primal need to keep her by my side at any cost. I know I'm not an easy man to love, know I carry more baggage and scars than anyone should have to bear. Christ, my own parents abandoned me in a dumpster like yesterday's trash. Who could ever truly love a man with that kind of history?
But even as the old fears and doubts clamor in my head, I force myself to take a breath. To remember that Harper isn't like anyone else. She's kind, with a heart big enough to love even the most broken of men. If she wants to leave, I'll have to let her go. No matter how much it destroys me.
I'll do anything to persuade her to stay, to fight for this fragile, precious thing we've found together. But I won't force her, won't cage her like a bird with clipped wings. She deserves better than that. Better than me.
With a heavy heart, I rinse my mouth and leave the bathroom. I strip mechanically, my mind a million miles away. It's only when I'm down to my boxers that I realize Harper hasn't turned to watch me like she usually does. She loves to observe my little striptease, her eyes darkening with hunger as each piece of clothing falls away.
But tonight, she's facing the wall, her shoulders tense and her breathing uneven. It adds to the sinking feeling in my gut, the certainty that something is deeply wrong.
I slip into bed behind her, my hand finding hers beneath the covers. She threads our fingers together instantly, and I take a small measure of comfort in that. In the way her body still responds to mine, even if her mind is a mystery.
My lips brushing the shell of her ear.
