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A mother.
A...fucking everything.
How was she going to do it on her own? Live without a mom, a family, or anyone. Her friends were moving on with their lives and she no longer fit.
She didn’t know if she wanted to fit into who they were all becoming.
That made no sense. Leilani wanted to get married and have a family, but there seemed to be a disconnect that she couldn’t put her finger on.
“It’s nothing, just some bloating. Go, be with your friends.” Her mom replied, forcing herself off the sofa.
“Mom! Look at your ankles.” Leilani cried when the blanket fell away.
“It’s normal. Part of having cirrhosis. You heard the doctor.” She waved her off.
Leilani followed her.
“Mom, you have to stop drinking.” She snapped before she could stop herself. This conversation never went well, and they always ended up fighting.
Didn’t they say tough love was important? Usually, the other way around, but here she was, being the damn parent.
“Leilani, please don’t start. You know I’m grieving your father.” Her mother cried angrily.
“Oh, my God. He’s been gone for years. I’ve grieved him too. He was my father.”
“You were a child. It was different.”
Leilani gasped.
How dare she dismiss her emotions like that? As if one was more painful than the other. Well, two could play that game.
“Yes. It was. I lost a parent. You lost a husband. Two different things. Both of us need to love him and honor him, not destroy ourselves because he has gone.”
“You don’t know what you are talking about.” Her mom whirled around. “He was my life. My life Leilani. I relied on him for everything. Then he left.”
Leilani crossed her arms.
“So the answer is to destroy yourself and then just leave me behind?”
Her mom glared at her, the anger making her yellow tinted cheeks pink for a moment. Hell, maybe this is what she needed. To fight.
Fight for her goddamn life.
“Maybe you should move out. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life fighting with you,” her mom said, as Leilani’s mouth fell open.
Tears prickled in her eyes as the pain of her words worked their way inside her.
“Mom,” she whispered.
Instead of apologizing, her mom turned from her and walked out of the room, her dressing gown flapping behind her.
She was drunk and ill, Leilani knew that, but it still hurt to hear her say that to her.
She dropped her face into her hands and let out a guttural cry.
They both knew she couldn’t leave. Leilani paid the bills. Her mom couldn’t live without her now because she was unable to work.
But it hurt anyway.
