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“Then an addiction.” Leilani glanced at her mom pitifully.
“God, you’re both making me out to be some pathetic creature. My husband died. I brought you back here to the mainland to get your education. I raised you on my own, Lani. All on my own. So what if I had a few drinks now and then to get me through the loss of your father and all the long, hard days?”
“Few drinks, Mom? Really?” Leilani said. “I love you, you know that, but you’ve been either tipsy or drunk nearly every day of my life.”
“Everyone drinks. Why do you think it’s sold everywhere?” She scoffed and Leilani glanced at the doctor, seeking help. “Clearly, my body isn’t as strong as others.”
The doctor gave her a quick shake of his head, indicating she shouldn’t bother trying to argue.
Leilani sat back in her seat, accepting the facts. Her mom was an addict. She would lie and conjure up excuses that she’d fight until her last breath. There was nothing she could do to make her change her mind.
If her very existence wasn’t enough to make her mom fight to stay alive, then nothing surely would.
As they were leaving, the doctor pulled Leilani aside.
“Make sure you look after yourself as your mom declines,” Dr. Maxwell said, laying a hand on her shoulder. “It’s very unlikely she’ll be able to control her intake of alcohol, so it’s not going to get better.”
“How long does she have?” Leilani asked shakily.
“It’s hard to know. We’ll have to see how her body reacts to the antibiotics.”
She thanked him and paid.
When they got home, she made dinner, took a shower, then headed downstairs to say goodnight and found her mom sitting with a photo album on her knee.
“He loved you so much, Lani,” she said, running her fingers over a photo of her dad outside their home in Hawaii.
Leilani sat down, leaning a head on her mom’s shoulder, and said softly, “I miss him, too.”
“He died too early. He was taken from me,” her mom whispered.
“And me,” Lani reminded her.
“One day you’ll love a man and understand this pain.” She dropped the album onto her knee, then brushed a lock of hair from Leilani’s brow as tears dampened her eyes. “I know I’ve failed you as a mother, and I’m sorry. I’m not a strong woman. I never was,” she said, letting out a sad laugh. “Your father said it was one reason he loved me. That I was dependent on him and would never leave.”
“Instead, he left us,” Leilani said.
“Yes. Not by choice. The car accident was just that. An accident. But it took him from us abruptly, and I wasn’t prepared to live the rest of my life without him.”
No one expects to live without those they love, but death is a part of life. Does that mean you let it destroy yours? Or realize how damn lucky you are to still be here and make the most of what could be the only time you ever have on this magical earth.
Even science tells us the chances of all of this existing, the birds, the trees, the lakes, the mountains, the oceans, all of us, is an almost impossibility.
Yet many of us live our lives like we’re inmates in hell, hating life, hating one another.
Then when life is taken from someone, we’re surprised.
When our health declines, we panic and fight to stay alive.
Why don’t we live more in gratitude and awe for the simple magic that we have been given?
Tears tipped over the edge and slid down her face.
“If you believe you aren’t strong, then you won’t be. That’s not the right mindset, Mom. Maybe Dad was wrong. Maybe you weren’t dependent, you were just in love.” Leilani tried. “You raised me on your own. That takes strength. Shift the way you think and fight for your life, Mom.”
You could choose to stay here and be my mom. You could choose not to leave me.
“Or maybe I want your dad to be right? Maybe I am ready to be back with him now?” Her mom glanced away with a hint of shame.
