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Andie’s shoulders slump. “You said you’d do it earlier.”
“Yes, but then he…” she glances at me like it’s my fault.
“What did I do?” I ask, feeling the attacked.
She shrugs. “I wanted to know what you guys were talking about. So, I didn’t do it.”
“Okay,” Andie says on a sigh as she wipes her face with her palm. “Go get it.”
“Hey,” I stop her before she goes to the living room. “Why don’t you take a break. I’ll do it with her. I’m really good at math.”
There’s obvious hesitation as she lets her gaze trail over me, searching for something. Whatever it is, she must find it because she nods. “Sure.”
Lola sets up on the coffee table and I sit beside her on the floor. Andie curls up on the couch to watch us. Within five minutes, her lids lower and shut. Moments after that, she’s asleep.
Seeing her slumbering, my stomach still full from the meal, and Lola waiting expectantly for me to work an algebra equation with her on the floor of this tiny apartment does something to me.
Andie has this every day. The noise. The warmth. The dependency of others. All things I rejected in the past.
But now…
I was right when I said I don’t envy what she has. No, I don’t envy it. I covet it. I desire it.
And I want it all for myself.
19
ANDIE
“Momma?” Lola says as I tuck in the blanket around her.
“Yes, baby?”
It’s eleven, much too late for her to go to bed on a school night. But she’s been restless ever since dinner. More than everything that’s happened, what Gavin said really shook her. And though she’s been her happy talkative self for the most part, the worried little lines between her brows remained.
Then, when I put her to two hours ago the first time, she got up and padded to the living room in search of me.
“I’m scared,” Lola whispers.
“Everything will be okay. I will be okay.”
“Do you promise?”
I nod and lean in to kiss her warm cheek. Throwing an arm around her, I snuggle in close. “I’m here, baby. Go to sleep.”
“How is she?” Gavin asks when I return to the living room. He’s on the couch, his tall frame making it seem so much smaller than it is.
“She’s finally asleep.”
“I’m sorry,” he says. “If I messed things up. I’m not used to children. Actually,” he seems to think on it. “I don’t think I’ve had any conversations with a child since I was one.”
“You were a kid once?” I ask in mock shock.
He chuckles, but only for a moment before his expression turns somber. “Not sure about a kid, but I was small once.”
My chest tightens at the thought of him living through my daughter’s worst fears. I take the gun out from the holster under my shirt. It’s been digging into my skin for hours, and I’m not sure I could use it against Gavin anyway. Setting it on the coffee table, I sit beside him, placing my clasped hands on my lap.
“Lola is quite advanced for her age,” I say. “The way she acts, thinks. She’s incredible.”
