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“Why would you kill him?”
He turns to me. “I have a rule. No one touches what belongs to me. Remember?”
“I don’t belong to you, Gavin.”
Shaking his head, he cups my cheek in his large hand. “You will always belong to me.”
Something inside me suddenly gives. I can feel it, as if a dam within my chest breaks and releases the pressure that’s been suffocating me.
I should hate what he’s saying because in so many ways, I’ve been owned for years. Yet, it’s the way he says it that holds all the meaning.
You will always belong to me. I will take care of you.
You will always belong to me. I will keep you safe.
You will always belong to me. I will kill anyone that hurts you.
And it all spills out of me, like a flood that can’t be stopped once it starts. A tsunami of horror and pain.
I tell him about my mother, and how she left me orphaned on the streets of Los Angeles. I tell him about my boyfriend Orlando that pimped me out, the one that introduced me to cocaine and taught me to steal. And I told him about his boss, Johnny Rusk.
It’s when I get to that part that I pause, but only for a moment.
“Orlando got mixed up with another drug dealer,” I say. “He ended up owing him money. So he got the bright idea to steal from Johnny. Or better yet, to have me steal for him. I didn’t want to, but he insisted I would be better at it. And if I didn’t do it, he’d be taken out and it would be all my fault.
“I was so young and stupid. Orlando was the only person that showed me affection. So, I did it. I broke into Johnny’s house, went directly to where Orlando told me the coke was stashed and took a pound. But I didn’t make it out. Johnny caught me.”
This is where I wish I could stop. Wish I had an eject button for the video that plays in my mind, a movie that can’t be erased.
I begin to tremble uncontrollably as I recount those minutes that seemed like an eternity. Though I shut my eyes, I still see it.
Johnny yanking me away from the window I’d broken in through. His evil smile as he realized who I was. The brute force with which he flung me to the floor and the weight of his body on me.
He wasn’t as big as he is now, but he was big enough that I couldn’t move. Strong too. I can still feel the sting of his slaps on my face, something I believe he did to distract me from the fact that he was tearing my clothes. I can still feel him inside me.
A wave of nausea hits me and I finally stop to take several breaths. I wipe the tears that have been free flowing down my cheeks.
“When it was over, he called the cops himself. They took me away for theft, knowing full well what he’d done. But they were on his payroll and got rid of any evidence that he’d raped me.”
“Did you tell anyone,” Gavin asks.
“Anyone that would listen. Thing was, I had a record. And there was no proof. Even though I became pregnant with his child, it was my word against his that it was rape.”
“Lola is Johnny’s?”
I look at him. “She doesn’t know. He threatened to take her from me if I ever asked for child support. I couldn’t bear the thought of her with him.” God no! The things he’d do to her. “So after I served my time and my parole was over, I ran. I only made it as far as Vegas before my money ran out. That was seven years ago.”
“What about Orlando?”
Laughing at the irony of it, I say, “Johnny took him out.”
Gavin remains silent for a while as he processes what I’ve told him. But I can sense him simmering beneath the surface.
“Say something,” I urge.
“I changed my mind,” he finally speaks. “I’m not going to kill him.”
“You’re not?” My heart sinks, not because I want someone to die, but because I liked that Gavin wanted to avenge me.
